In high school I was voted "least likely"

[kayle]

Hello everyone! My name is Kayle, I'm 26 and live in Florida. New to the forums but will be getting immersed in all the goodness the podcasts serve me but in text form.

I've been regularly (almost every month) seeing a psychiatrist for the past year and a half. My dx's include MDD, PTSD and ADHD. My symptoms are mostly hyper vigilance, anger, nightmares, isolation, inability to concentrate.. lots of overlap. I mostly consider myself a product of "no child left behind".. thanks again G.W. Bush. I was sexually assaulted when I was 20, sexually harassed at 21 and stalked.

Current meds include Adderall 90mg daily, Prazosin 1mg at HS for nightmares, and Xanax 0.25mg QID PRN in case I'm triggered during daytime hours.

Most triggers include vulnerability (go fuckin' figure).. but the most recent was at work last week. A patient needed to be transferred from gurney to bed, the heavy set, out of breath medic complained his back was hurting and he didn't want to lift. I mentioned that "it's no problem, I can step in" and he sarcastically declined replying "that's okay, sweetie" with the shittiest grin. I'm finally to the point where I can reply "excuse me, my name is Kayle and I'll be safely lifting my patient now" instead of screaming "DON'T FUCKING CALL ME SWEETIE".

Anyways, if I ever write a book.. that'll be the title. I look forward to meeting everyone here! Send me a message or whatever it is people do to connect these days.

[kayle]

Also, this is my favorite picture of me. I'm a powerlifter and at this time I was spotting an 11 year old girl deadlifting. It still gives me chills.

[Applecider]

Hi Kayle!

I'm a recent forum joiner myself. I deal with depression, some anxiety, a lot of guilt, all stemming from relationship problems. I was the quiet girl in school, not shy, but was bullied. I also had a very distinctive laugh and tended to crack up at everything - I remember a lot kids thinking I was weird for that. I take pride in my perfected witch's cackle every Halloween (No seriously, a former class mate recognized me just on my laugh this past Halloween.)

How fucking awesome are you?! A power lifter, a member of the medical carer population (Please forgive me, not knowing what your actual position is, I don't want to make the wrong guess), and a total bad ass mentor to young girls! Holy shit girl, you go.

[kayle]

Thank you! I struggled as a kid almost exactly how you described.. and in a 4 year codependent relationship too, until 2 years ago. I have a funny kind of mentality, it took so much out of me to admit that I can't do everything by myself.

Consider me an open ear if you ever need someone to talk to! That kinda thing seems to be pretty cathartic for both parties, I've experienced.

[Applecider]

I'd like that. I'm definitely a person who ruminates on things and finds great release in discussing it. I worry about over burdening my friends though. I lost a few during my last severe depression episode, but I am glad that I managed to identify the spiral and got in to see my Nurse and have started therapy. And sometimes the listeners have some great insights the speaker may have not thought about.

[Fargin]

Hi and welcome,

That picture is all kinds of awesome, love the Chuck's.

I've got an avoidant personality disorder and struggle with severe inadequacy and are constantly preoccupied with what other people are thinking about me. I've been exercising at an outreach center the last year and this summer one of the physiotherapists showed me the big five lifts and lend me her old first edition of Starting Strength and I love it. I love barbell training, it's a great confidence booster and it is it's own kind of cognitive behavioral therapy. Every time get I ready to squat, I think everyone else is judging me, that my form is bad, that my knees or spine will explode and then by remembering the cues, I can bypass the negative thoughts and get on with it. I wish they'd go away completely, but at least I can overrule them, when I lift. I've love to join a powerlifting club at some point, but I've struggling with getting enough sleep and food.

[rc409]

Welcome.

You know what, we do this sort of thing all the time when interacting with people and automatically blame ourselves and our issues. Yes, everyone else is ok, and we are the problem, and we are to blame.

That deal you had at work? Here he is, a big, strong man. He thinks, " I'll be damned if a young, beautiful girl is going to jump in and do the heavy lifting for me, so I'll say something shitty to get her to go away."

I believe anyone who watched this happen would know who had the problem.

[kayle]

To Fargin.. are you much of a reader? Henry Rollins wrote the best quote about weight training..

"The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds."

To rc409.. thank you for that. Strength isn't as obvious or a very good outer shield until it gets called upon. It's really been the most therapeutic resource I have found to date and it should start as soon as possible.