My main problems are money, and loneliness

[Alex]

Hey gang, been a fan of the podcast for a couple of months, I know this sounds bad, but it's almost nice to hear people with similar problems as me.
I am what I call a "Creative", I like to create things, I'm trying to get work as an artists but it's hard to gain any traction. One of the downsides of being creative as some of you might know is I can always find something wrong with almost everything. It has made leaving the house very difficult, especially for the jobs I do have and to try to make friends or meet new people.
I feel like what little talent I have is being wasted working shitty jobs helping customers, stocking shelves, selling nonsense and dealing with co-workers. I've had about 10 jobs in the past 5 years and haven't had a full time job for about 6 years and have only made enough money to get by, but I'm having trouble to even do that nowadays.
I haven't dated in about the same amount of time, and have recently moved out of my home state, so I can't talk to my friends at all or rarely. I'm behind on bills and I'm not qualified for any job I would actually want that paid a decent wage. I would have love to gone to college, but I went to art school for 2 years(which I enjoyed, and learned a lot) but even making minimum payments on the student loans, I won't have that paid off for almost a decade. It's tough now because I owe the student loan people money, and stopped answering my phone because it might be them trying to collect. They've already ruined my credit, and I don't see them having any incentive of fixing it even if I caught up on payments.
I rely on my family too much, and I resent them and myself for it. So I really don't have anyone I can talk to, and I can't afford therapy(as much as I'd like to try)

Suicide is something that has come up in my head, but I've only considered seriously once when I had lost my car, my bike was stolen, and I couldn't afford the bus, I was walking to and from another job that I hated next to this high traffic road, saw a large truck coming toward me, and pictured just walking into it to end it all.

I'm not sure why I'm here, just nice to type these problems out I guess. The scariest thing now is I don't know what my next step is. I'm so tired of dealing with people, but yet I feel alone. I need to make money, but every job I take makes me hate myself.

Sorry this just looks like a list of nonsense, but this seems like the place for it, so thanks gang.

[algernon]

Hello Alex!!

Forget about suicide........by any method. Be rational about your plight. Even with the strongest effort put forth by the most affluent determined human being to remain alive, his life will end soon enough......so hold the rational mind that the fleeting life you have is over forever soon, this by the mandate of nature and time. (I wont lecture you how jumping in front of a truck will fuck the trucker's mind just so you can get an advance on your unavoidable human eventuality)

Welcome to the forum. I think with some thread reading you will find your own set of circumstances not far from average in terms of mental distress.....and please know that I do not discount your significant troubles.....

You will also find solutions for your troubles here, and the suggestion that your life is worth living and loaded with joyful potential just as it is now. The key of course is to change your thinking and beliefs, alter the unfortunate patterns of thought that most people become victims from. It seems that the situational status quo of your life is the source of your problems and not a bio-chemical whacking. I cannot be certain but that's what it seems to me. Let's assume that your life is a situational misfortune.......

.......Albert Ellis, Job Kabut-Zinn and Victor Frankl are three men who you need to embrace for their teachings. There is so much more in this forum besides.......

In closing, I ask you to take care of yourself Alex. Get stoic and go to that lousy job and make the money it pays and know that your best direction is served by this courageous matter of mundane dedication, as countless other human beings have found in their own climb to higher ground. Fuck that tuition debt for art school!! Pay what you can (and be steady doing so) and train yourself to avoid worrisome scenarios of endless payments and smashed credit. Practice self compassion and recognize when your "monkey brain" is ravaging your better judgement as we all know it can......dedicate yourself to NON-VICTIM thinking, seek a high frustration tolerance and significant problem solving skills.......take the time guilt free to rest, to think and to have recreation even if that's just a walk or a bike ride (let it be physical, the recreational part of you as all your other life aspects will benefit from physical activities)....eat food that is chosen for it's goodness and not satiation......be active and produce real value in your life both for yourself and for others even if it's housekeeping or mowing the lawn and such....maintain your ADLs (activities of daily living) meaning personal hygiene.......

You'll be fine. Just think about those stories of a guy that goes bankrupt and inside two years or so he's doing another "grand opening" for a new business.....be a student of reality and the first lesson is that reality is far better than you think........enjoy the forum and your life Alex!!

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Alex! Welcome to the forum!

From this MentalPod board - some places to get help for people with limited resources:

• Help for little or no money
• Best Insurance Companies/Types for Mental Health Care
• Links for More Mental Health Info/Suicide Hotlines

[Rosie]

Hi Alex

Is it possible to do something voluntary with your creativity? I know it won't help with the money situation but it could help you feel better and make friends. I've been advised to do this although I'm not creative so I'll probably do something more practical. Big hugs from across the pond, be kind to yourself, Rosie

[The Sleeper]

Hi Alex! I too am wasting my talents at a crappy customer service job. I am glad that you joined the board and I hope you feel like you have people to talk to now!

[walklikeanegyptian]

Hi, Alex! Do you live in Los Angeles? If so, check out the Maple Center in Beverly Hills -- they have very low cost therapy. Listen, dude, you need therapy and medication. That's just the bottom line. You need it before you will be able to address all these other problems. Take it from me -- don't wait forever to get help.

If you don't live in L.A., go to any hospital (or call) and ask to speak to someone about low cost community based counseling. Every city has something like that. You will start to feel a little better and you will have someone on your side who is ONLY for you! You can also get meds for free or low cost -- your therapist can guide you in that.

Once you get some meds and some counseling, you will be so glad you did -- your life will start looking a little more hopeful, and you will be able to tolerate your job, while looking for a better one, and in the meantime, start being your beautiful creative self.

[Murphy]

Hey Alex,

Another thing to do is to check out http://www.nami.org/. My local chapter is really great. They have support groups and definitely have resources to point you in the right direction for getting what you need.

[walklikeanegyptian]

Hi, Alex, just checking up on you. How are you doing?