Hello There

[JasmineP]

Hi, I'm Jasmine, I'm a traditional college student about to graduate this December, actually. .

I'm getting a BFA in drawing and a minor in English. I like to draw comics, which actually has helped me in the past (and present) when i've been really angry about things. I'm less angry now and drift in an out of a light depression? I don't know, i tried seeing a counselor on campus but I didn't trust the woman so I stopped telling the truth. She kept trying to force me to talk about things and it felt less like it was about me and what I wanted to address. I haven't gone back but I think I need someone to talk to more often. I also seem to have an anxiety thing, like, one of my teachers is going to introduce me to a comic artist/illustrator in the area, I'm not sure what's going to come of the meeting but after speaking with her and finalizing the meeting plans I was really nervous. Almost feeling sick so there's that which is less than fun. I'm excited in a positive way about a new opportunity but at the same time it freaks me out.

I get out, outside of summer classes, a few times a week. I spend a lot of time at a local coffee shop, I've made friends with the employees and some of the other regulars. House parties happen periodically, sometimes I go but i take a camera because it's easier to interact with people through the camera than directly sometimes so i do that. I think I have a thing about trusting people and I don't want to get hurt so I tend to keep people at arm's length. the problem is I wish I didn't, I don't know. Wait, that's me being passive aggressive, isn't it, I guess there's that too...

Thinking about that counselor I spoke with, we actually didn't spend much time talking about the biggest thing that happened, when I was 18 (I'm only 23 now) my mom died from complication from having a compromised system from having cancer. (I'm so damn wordy) I ended up just going to school not knowing what to do with myself, I kind of wish I had taken a different route but i do like the people I've met whom I wouldn't have met without being in school when I was. i think about it all the time, i think about her life more than her death because her being alive was more important than her dying but her lack of being alive anymore has been important too.

I was kind of distracted while writing this so I think it jumps around a fair bit, sorry if it's a confusing to follow. I wasn't sure how much I wanted to say here or put in other conversations. I'm sorry i'm writing in circles, I just keep jumping around, ask anything, to a reasonable extent I'll answer it.

[Stina]

Welcome aboard, Jasmine.

I can relate to your camera "trick." I'm always the one taking the photos so I don't have to be in them. I'm definitely more of an observer than a participant.

You sure have a lot on your plate! I can't imagine losing your mother at such a young and important time in your life. My heart goes out to you. I do encourage you to talk to a professional or an adult you can trust. There's a right person out there, ready to listen and help.

Take care of yourself!

[JasmineP]

Thanks. I try to take care of myself.

It is nice to know that I'm not the only one who hides behind a camera. in the moment it feels pretty all right, I'm kind of engaging but not really. I end up not really meeting people and i end up being fairly closed off in the end.

[Stina]

Sometimes it works ok -- like you run into another person who likes taking photos and you can talk about that. You may be hiding behind the camera, but some people will know how to find you anyway and they'll be worthwhile for that small conversation or maybe more.

[meh]

HI Jasmine - funny you should mention photography. I feel the same way - sometimes the only way I can communicate with the rest of the world is through taking pictures.

I think it's the only time I'm really open and can express myself.

Now if I could only channel that into normal interpersonal interactions....