Is this where I start?

[Fairlight]

It's funny, I've tried to join forums in the past and they've never really worked out for me. Mostly the latest diet craze I'm on and hoping to get online support but it has never seemed to work. As I read over some of your posts and replies I'm so impressed with how genuine you are with each other. I feel like this is a home I've been looking for awhile now.

A little about me,
I'm a married 42 year old mom of a 12 year old. When I was pregnant with my daughter I started having a lot of insomnia, depression and anxiety. It got worse after I had her and soon I began to hallucinate and became very paranoid everyone was out to hurt my daughter. I also thought the men we ran into were going to molest her. I dealt with this on my own for 3 months and then was hospitalized. Since we didn't have insurance I went to county medical-this place sucked beyond belief but that's a story for another time.
I was put on medication for depression and 8 months later hallucinating again and leaving the house in the middle of the night so hospitalized again-thank God now we had insurance and it was quite the swanky joint. This time I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was prescribed depakote and have stayed on it pretty much for the last 12 years. My doctor's have dabbled with some other meds with me but that always ends in disaster so I stay on Depakote. Things aren't perfect-I still have ups and downs. I usually don't share this with my doctor as he just wants to change meds and I find getting back to a healthy diet, exercise regime, sleep, yoga and meditation, and regular massages does the trick. If I would only stick to these but I do my best.

I hope I haven't bored you all with too many details but wanted to share a bit of my back story.

My biggest issue now is my daughter is showing symptons of depression and highs and lows-of course she also at the age that her hormones are raging so I don't know if it's normal for her age or not. It scares me though. I don't want her to go through with what I've been through and feel guilty about passing on this disorder to her. Can anyone relate to this? We are working on finding her a therapist. I don't want her put right on meds though-that would be a last resort.

Thanks for reading,
Hope to get to know you all better,
Fairlight

[Paul Gilmartin]

Fairlight,

Thanks for letting us know a bit about you. It was not too much info. I'm glad you feel the forum is a safe and open place to post. We try to keep it that way. While I have not experienced the hallucinations or paranoia you have, I do know what it's like to feel like I'm backsliding. And I too have to exercise, eat right, meditate, etc. Sometimes I just want to lay in bed and magically get better. Okay a lot of times.

I'm sorry you have to go through the stress of worrying about your daughter inheriting your mental illness. The one thing I've found that never hurts to express to people when they're suffering or confused, is to remind them that they are loved and that you're not going anywhere and you're not going to abandon them. I think in our depressed minds we sometimes think we have to go it alone, because so many people don't know what we're going through. I was at a BBQ today and the blues hit me and all I wanted to do was lay down and cry. But when people ask you "how are you doing?" You don't want to tell them that if you don't feel like they've lived it, because you're afraid they'll think you're being dramatic or weird or selfish. So you suck it up and force a smile and try to not look at your watch as much as you really want to. If I would have been at a party full of people from the forum, I would have laid down on the couch and instantly felt relief, and probably had someone come over and let me put my head in their lap.

So put your head in our laps and be yourself. WE understand. WE don't think you're weird. WE don't think you're being dramatic.

So yes, this is where you start. Feel free to post on other people's threads as well.

Paul

[serious_oregon]

Hi, Fairlight!

Welcome to the MIHH forum! We are a big family here. I love this site because I feel surrounded by so much unconditional support. For all the maladies we suffer from, no matter how big or small, there is always some one here who will be able to identify with you one way or another. We are really lucky to have this cyber space to go to when we really need a virtual hug.

A big welcome to you and if you ever need someone to chat with, vent with, cry with, anything with, give me a PM.

Best!
serious_oregon

[Cheldoll]

Hi! Sorry I'm sorta late in welcoming you. I recognize your pink text from another thread, so it's nice to read your intro too.

It's very likely that her symptoms are a normal part of being a 12 year old girl. Even if they're not, you shouldn't feel guilty -- just be supportive and make sure to take care of yourself as well.