I've been meaning to post in the forum for a long time but was wary. I'm a Canadian queerish woman in my mid-twenties and just finished my Master of Arts in a humanities field. I come to you now in the lull, no longer a student for the first time in my life, facing unemployment.
I've struggled with depression and anxiety all of my life, with suicide attempts at a very young age and throughout my teen years. My family always seemed supportive, so I thought that it was my own fault that I was depressed. I was never hit, but now realize that even my seemingly-mushy mother invalidates my own feelings and relies on me and my siblings to be therapist-proxies. I still live at home, but hope to soon move out.
My biggest worries are related to perfectionism and running out of time - I'm petrified that before I know it I'll be old, on my deathbed, and have accomplished nothing in life. I had a few extremely rough years around 15, and now all the memories I have left from then are traumatic ones.
I have done several years of therapy, including CBT, EMDR, and emotion-focused psychotherapy (my favourite), and have been on medication for the last 10 years. I've been listening to the podcast since it was in the early #100s, and it has helped more than anyone could imagine. Thank you to Paul, everyone on the forum, and all of the guests.
