Seeking Happiness in Myself

[minrenae]

I am a 35 year old wife and new mother. I have been "recovered" from eating disorders for the past 5 years. I say "recovered" but not cured because I still suffer from the same insecurities and anxieties. I just deal with them differently. I don't starve, binge/purge or over exercise. My hatred for myself is still pretty high. I feel so much more guilty now for these feelings because I now have a 12 week old daughter. I want so much more for her and want her to be proud of her mother. I have suffered from body dysmorphia since I was 14 years old. Through all the counseling and treatment, we have never found out why. I have just had to figure out ways to get past those feelings. I am to the point now that I want to make those feelings disappear. I want to truly be happy and I don't think I ever will be until I find happiness within myself. I am so grateful and happy for my husband and my daughter. Now I just need to be with me. I just hope it's not a loss cause. I want to be better and not just for myself, but for my family.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello minrenae, welcome to our little forum! Looking forward to reading your contributions to the threads and topics here!

You can keep up with all activity on the forum by clicking "View active topics" under the main Board index.

You are not a "lost cause". You are starting to be self-loving to yourself, and you have the perfect chance to being yourself truly and love yourself for it.

All the best, cheers, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[Sherlock]

Hey minrenae. Someday, I hope you realize, and feel, you shouldn't feel guilty about being sick. Mental illness is physical, even though we, and society, treat it like it's something we can manage on our own--nope, you need help, and I'm glad you've gotten some help. Help yourself some more--and speaking as a daughter of a mother who's mentally ill, your baby will always love you, even if you're not perfect. The more you try, the more she'll care for you when she grows up because she'll know intellectually that you've had a rough time of it--so help yourself now. 12 weeks old? You have PLENTY of time to get yourself together before she can start to even realize what troubles you have; for a lot of those years, all she'll want is your nurture and love, and so long as you give her that then don't worry about the rest of the stuff. Sorry if that was repetitive but seriously; help yourself, love and take care of your baby, and it'll turn out fine.

Also learn to make friends with yourself--I said this to someone already today but seriously, self-love is important. It may be harder when you have a little one to think of but think about it: you created a life. You realized you were sick and helped yourself and you're continuing to do so. You are so valuable just by that alone--I'm sure you can find plenty of other things to value about yourself.

Take care.