Tips for finding a therapist who will listen

[neufena]

Hi, I'm in the UK so you may struggle to help but none of the therapists I've seen ever listen to me properly.

Whenever am sent to a new therapist I tell them the same thing straight away. I am an ugly, worthless failure. What I want help with is coming to terms with that and being able to live out my days without being in so much emotional pain. They always ignore that and try to brainwash me into thinking I'm not worthless etc. This is fine till I go back out into the real world and immediately find I'm still as worthless and unwanted as before.

Is it something in the way I explain my situation or can you offer any advice in how to get a therapist to listen and help me? I just want to come to terms with the life I have, not to pretend life is different to reality.

Thanks,

[neufena]

I'm still having this problem. I've recently joined better help and so far have just gone back and forth with a therapist who says she ethically cannot help me come to terms with who I am. Thus worriesme as again a suspect she'll try to build a false reality only to end up with me putting myself in hurtful situations where that false reality is shattered. Why will nobody listen or help me?

[manuel_moe_g]

I know what you are saying about a "false reality" and the pain of when the false reality collapses.

Have you read anything about Stoicism? It helped me build a foundation where I was able to deal with my self-worth realistically. I used to have a fraudulently high self-worth. At 45 years of age I am just dealing with the collapse of my imagined self-worth.

Please keep in touch, keep the lines of communication open. You are a good writer and you express your situation powerfully.

[RSRA]

Reading your posts, I wonder if individual therapy is right for you right now? If you're struggling to find someone who will listen and help you to find your inner worth, does it have to be a therapist? Could it be a support or therapy group instead? I wonder if it's not so much finding a therapist that's a good fit, but a treatment modality. It sounds like you might feel forced to do work with these therapists that you might not be ready or able to do yet, and I find myself wondering if that's even the right direction that you need for your therapy to go in order to help you. Having peers facing the same things you are in a group setting might be more validating for you, maybe? Just food for thought.

[neufena]

Hi,

Thanks for the suggestion. I'd really like to find a support group but there;s a few reasons stopping me. Firstly I'm in the UK and it just seems there's not anywhere near as many support groups here. Those that there are all seem to be in the middle of the day which is no good for people who work. When I was freelance I went to one once and was really unwelcome, I think because I have no valid reason to be depressed or unhappy, I have no trauma or hardship, I'm just a worthless failure of a human.

It would be great to find other people like me but so far I've not found anyone.