Episode 228: Shootout Survivor Dan Smith

[SpookyGhost]

The Navy vet and former armored car driver shares about the PTSD that came in the wake of a shootout that almost killed him and what it means to be masculine.

This episode is sponsored by SquareSpace. For 10% off your first purchase go to http://www.SquareSpace.com and use offer code MENTAL.

Follow Dan on Twitter @RevDan1725
- See more at: http://mentalpod.com/Shootout-Survivor- ... oA52l.dpuf

[Dan Smith]

I am grateful to have been on the podcast. There is so much I wish I could have said. I'd be happy to continue the conversation with you fine people. I'll answer any questions that you feel weren't addressed.
If you're hurting, you're not alone.

[E is for Elephant]

I listened to this one today, and thought it was really powerful.

I was struck by the part where you talked about knowing that something wasn't real and you weren't actually in danger, but that not making the fear you were feeling any less real, and not being able to logic your way out of your emotional response. I have a tendency to beat myself up a lot for my anxieties, as I know they are mostly irrational, and I'm realizing that I need to let that go, as yelling at myself for having a panic attack certainly isn't helping anything.

[Dan Smith]

We both have to accept the anxiety for what it is with no value judgement. It took me a long time. For many years after I quit wearing a gun for a living I suppressed my drive to train and drill with my guns. I thought it was stupid to continue for no real reason. Finally, I just accepted that was a reasonable comfort to me and went a long way to relaxing the anxiety ABOUT being anxious.
You know yourself well. You still have to ride it out and you know it will pass in time. Don't make it worse by kicking your own ass, too.
I know you can't just DO that, but you can practice it.
The mantra I use is: "Treat yourself like you love yourself."
You wouldn't let anyone you loved treat themselves like that, would you?

[funnyfaceking]

This was very helpful. I wish I had a group like that men's group you were talking about. Sorry, 'team'.

Something I learned from Dan's talk was about his desire for the do-over, to relive the experience and "win". I was beaten and locked in a locker by 13 older jocks on the last day of my Freshman Year in High School. This happened 25 years ago last week. I always felt like a loser about it because I didn't beat those guys back. It took me 19 years, and a return to my old karate teacher, before I realized that I had the honorable victory.

Speaking of honor. It's a shame about the "No Autopsy" death of your attacker, though. It's scary to think that prison guards are carrying out the death penalty without a fair trial.

Thanks for sharing your story. Jun 10, 1996 was the day after my 21st birthday. I know exactly what I was doing that day. I'm glad that you are okay. Have a great day.

[Dan Smith]

There are Men's Divisions EVERYWHERE. They just tend to be very quiet. It's the nature of the confidential, grass-roots, NO-profit beast. They can be found. They exist to "embrace all men".
They've helped me immeasurably. I owe everything to them.

As for the death of a convicted man. It's only a rumor. I heard many. I only choose to believe that one. Because it gives me peace and I know quite uniquely that these are extremely bad people who chose murder and robbery as a career which was proven in a later, much bigger case. I'm a believer in justice and fairness. That is sometimes hard to reconcile with removing a legitimate threat to all of us. That's a part of the price for keeping good people safe; a little piece of one's soul.
For me, as a man, it's never about ego. I learned from my dream that doing the honorable thing can be costly and awful.

[TheCatLady]

This was one of my favourite episodes. Dan was so eloquent and descriptive, I could really empathise and feel
his pain. And he just sounds like such a nice guy. I really 'clicked' with this in a way I haven't with other
episodes.

Even though I have not experienced anything like what he did, I was comforted - in a strange way - by his description
of acting a certain way even though he knew the situation wasn't real (when he thought the shooters were
coming for him.) In some of my worst anxiety moments, my OCD rituals become overwhelming. I feel like I am
standing above myself shouting 'Stop, this isn't real, stop doing what you are doing' but I physically can't stop.
This is the first time I feel like that feeling has been explained so well.

Thank you for sharing Dan. I wish you all good things for your future life and ongoing recovery.

[rc409]

Dan, your honesty was beautiful. Sorry that you had a story to tell, but thank you for doing so.