Episode 43: Meghan Daum

[dare i say it]

Paul had a line about 45 minutes into this one that I just had to stop and write down. It was this:

At the core is this lie that tells us that self-criticism is the path to being a better person.

He goes on to talk about how he distinguishes this type of thinking, which can be damaging, from his conscience, which is a positive influence. Thank you Paul. That's exactly the message I needed to hear today. I know you don't like to think of yourself as a teacher necessarily, but that whole part of the interview with Meghan really meant a lot to me.

[Karina]

I found myself relating to a lot of Meghan's experiences - and certainly not feeling alone as far as Paul's genius self-criticism point in the episode I am also a proud Vassar grad, but, like Meghan, I felt like my major really was "staring at the wall" (paraphrasing here). Just yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend who thought I was "Ivy League," too, and this was a very smart friend (lol). But my experience at school was markedly similar to Meghan's, right down to being paranoid if people would "find me out" as merely an okay student and even joining the newspaper just to have some sense of identity. When she mentioned being in New York and realizing how unattainable her dreams were, I definitely felt that, as well. Luckily, it took pursuing an M.F.A. in writing and entering therapy to realize that I could still live out my dream, it'd just have to be through some kind of backdoor path.

[dare i say it]

HONEST, NON-VITRIOLIC FEEDBACK

I'm surprised I forgot to do this in my first post. In the podcast, Meghan and Paul talk about an especially strong need in most writers and performers to hear what their audience is saying about them. For the record, I think people from other walks of life obsess about this kind of thing to some degree as well. I am one of them. I know that fear all too well, that anyone who says something kind about me is just being polite to spare my feelings or to avoid conflict. Of course, the other side of that fear-coin is that anyone who calls me an "idiot" or an "asshole" is actually correct. Ouch! That hurt just writing it.

Meghan, if you're reading this, thank you for having the courage to be on the show and speak honestly about your experiences. Like you, it means a great deal to me when people are authentic. Every time I listen to the Happy Hour I leave feeling inspired, and your episode was definitely no exception. For what it's worth, nothing you revealed in the interview made me think of you as an "asshole."

I found your story about your middle school science teacher particularly moving. [He said he would be working as a janitor over the summer to make some extra money. She felt that her stunned response betrayed a haughty attitude.] I'm a teacher myself. I think teachers generally understand that life is a learning experience, especially for young people, and that there will be lots and lots of missteps along the way. Whatever you said or however you reacted, it is totally forgiveable. Even if you had done something blatantly obnoxious or hurtful, it would be totally forgiveable. If you ever did track down your old teacher and apologize to him, I suspect it would go really well. Although I would keep in mind that he may have no recollection of that conversation.

I would suggest that it's a beautiful thing to be able to forgive yourself and accept the faults and frailties that come with being human, but it doesn't seem quite right for me to be the one giving that advice. I struggle with that as much as anyone I know. Before I try to remove the speck of sawdust from your eye, I should remove the plank from my own eye. (That's an obscure reference for many people: http://bible.cc/luke/6-42.htm ) Anyway, thank you for being real. I hope you can accept that my words are real too.