Nonviolent Communication

[oak]

Hi friends.

The wonderful Namu recommended "Living Nonviolent Communication". I have begun said book, and I am astonished at the amount of violent communication I receive daily in my professional and family life. How much violence I accept. That I have taken as "normal". If this is normal, I don't want normal anymore.

(Interestingly, and tellingly, I am almost always treated very respectfully by friends, acquaintances, and strangers. While not all family and professional communication I receive is wholly violent [I have many kind and wonderful work colleagues, and one of my sisters treats me respectfully], I perceive enough violence to read the book and post here.)

A few pages in to the book, I have already written seven professional needs I've identified. I am currently receiving one of those seven needs.

I'll post here, as I read, apply, and consider the outcomes of the book's suggestion.

I also hope the amazing Namu can share some insights!

[Namu]

Heya, oak.

I feel very sheepish about promising to contribute to this thread if you started it, and then disappearing rather utterly. In the name of Rosenberg's proposition of nonviolent communication (NVC), I am resisting the urge to apologize, but please know that I very much wish I'd been able to reply sooner.

I have been using Rosenberg's books as guides for months now. There are a few pieces of his construct that don't quite ring solid for me -- at least not yet -- but almost all of it is demonstrably valid and essential, and I learn and learn and learn by experimenting with his suggestions for how to relate with others, especially where there is conflict.

I'd like to say more about my experiences with NVC, but it's hard to find a balance between giving too much detail (of the TLDR variety) and not enough to give the flavor of it. It'll take some time to sort that out.

For now, I just want to say I still am a hearty advocate of Marshall Rosenberg's work, and of the practice of NVC. It does take practice! It's so different from our culture's usual mode of relating to each other; it's not simple to change my interpersonal attitudes, habits, goals, and expectations, especially without a group of friends on the same path. But it's worth every bit of effort, and every moment of confusion, as I've re-examined the effectiveness and integrity (really, the lack of effectiveness and integrity) of old habits, that I've invested so far.

I hope you're still investigating NVC. I hope others will as well. Thank you for starting this thread.

Namu

[oak]

Hi Namu!

Thanks for reminding me of this thread! Shortly after posting it I had a breakdown, precipitated by several panic attacks, so unfortunately NVC got bumped out by more pressing priorities. Your post today is especially timely because I am finding reading the anxiety workbooks (ie facing my anxiety head-on) is too painful/raw.

I've gotten the book through hoopla on my tablet, and I promise to spend ten minutes tonight reading it. Communication is a big part of social anxiety. Any port in a storm, my friend.

I am really hurting, and appreciate your post.

In honor of you I'll try to implement something he suggests when I go do my social-anxiety hierarchy tomorrow.