Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Today went better than I expected.

My gains from the last few days have stuck.

My CBT is working. I did another automated workflow, this time for conflict resolution.

I definitely feel resilient now and like my boundaries are improving. It’s a relatively intuitive process made easier by maintaining the steadiest of paces. And sleep hygiene.

I think I managed to let the most go today. And it was a challenging day. I didn’t take too much on in the first place as well.

It’s midafternoon. I feel humble, fragile and strong.

[Beany Boo]

Today was difficult.

I started using my conflict resolution technique today. It was quite confronting. Confronting in that it actually worked!

I don’t really understand yet how it works. Just that I smashed some obstacles unexpectedly.

It was a little scary honestly. I’m not used to expressing myself so clearly.

Anyway, it’s midafternoon. The day is all but over.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up okay.

Had another spontaneous new thought, ‘everything is a mistake’. It felt optimistic. As in, you never know what’s going to work until it does.

I made a three point plan for the day and so far have completed two points.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

I felt very un-perfect but also free of the compulsion that that needed fixing.

Whatever the thing is that I’m especially sensitive about, it didn’t need protecting today.

Not a lot got done in a tangible sense. But it felt like thunder clouds worth of activity shifting and roiling under the surface.

I’m trusting my instincts, as always. They seem to be responding to something new however.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

I had another vaguely positive, random thought pop into my head. ‘Something is working’. There’s a different end to the sentence at different times. None seem to provoke strong emotion. ‘Something is working… that I am involved in’. ‘Something is working because I am me.’ It does not seem too important what the something is. The thought is vaguely comforting regardless.

There still seems to be a powerful undercurrent happening though I don’t know what it’s about (‘alive in a dangerous world’?).

I successfully did nothing today. I also allowed myself to be a burden on others. It felt risky but at the same time allowed me to access emotions that are usually shut away.

It’s midafternoon. What normally feels like ‘lost’, today feels like ’lost only if I were using someone else’s compass’.

[manuel_moe_g]

“””
today feels like ’lost only if I were using someone else’s compass’.
“””

Outstanding Beany! What a wonderful place to be!

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

I was fixing mistakes most of the day; not my own. But I didn’t feel like other peoples’ toilet. On the contrary I felt assertive.

I really wanted to achieve something today. It felt like I did though I don’t know it was specifically. ‘Something is working’.

It’s midafternoon. Something is working because I’m me.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up with the alarm but with enough sleep.

I feel an easy resilience. Like I won’t have to white-knuckle it today.

I think it’s going to be a day of fixing mistakes without paying a second thought to the sheer volume.

I’ve also got to pretend people are showing me respect. If I’m honest that’s what I’m doing for them, or it feels that way at least.

Something is working. I feel alive in a dangerous world.

‘Ambivalence’ is the word of the day.

[manuel_moe_g]

Something is working. I feel alive in a dangerous world.

Perfect, an excellent motto to use to go out in the really-existing world

‘Ambivalence’ is the word of the day.

Yup