how do you say no?

[Ellieoncé]

I love my friends but I am in a friendship group who are very into drugs and alcohol so naturally a lot of our socialising includes that... I know that I do not take stuff as much as they do but it feels near impossible to stay sober with them. If a friend offers me something I cannot resist and if my friends are taking something and there isn't enough for me I feel empty. I already know my friends get annoyed when I ask for some of theirs after I have finished all of mine as my tolerance is higher/I do not know when to stop. I have calmed down recently however I am going to a festival soon and the drugs I am planning on getting for it both excites me and exhausts me just thinking about it. Md, ket, coke, lsd .... I want to get it all but i'm not even sure if i really want it... just feel the need to.... and even if I don't I will try to get some off my friends. I worry so much about how much my friends take but not so much for me..... I only worry about my parents finding out and being disappointed in me

[Beany Boo]

Ellieoncé

Good afternoon

- If drug use is the unspoken price of admission to your friendship circle then that is broken
- If strict self-regulated good behaviour is the unspoken price of continued parental love and guidance then that is broken

If you risk your health, safety and continued quality of life by keeping secret from them all the jeopardy you feel like you're in, just to protect them from feeling bad? Then that is fucked. UP!

But your thinking reads clear and healthy (under considerable duress that is). So much so that you could be a 'qualifier' for everyone involved; the person who calls everyone on their shit. If the risk in doing that is too high, it is natural to feel unsafe; that is real. Just keep speaking the truth, in here if nowhere else is available.

At the very least, allow yourself to feel disappointed by your friends and family. Just for this. For now. They've earned it. Then afford them the chance; the privilege of helping re-establish safety and health in your life.

Also bear in mind, if you're using recreational drugs, and you're also using psychiatric medication, it may reduce, complicate or cancel out the effectiveness of the medication. Trust me, I've seen stuff happen.

And, if you don't want to take the drugs with your friends, you could offer to be 'the guide', the sober person who looks out for your friends and responds if they get into trouble. If you don't already know, educate yourself on drug related non-consent, drug first aid, how much to tell first-responders about drug related injury, overdose and sexual incidents and also, hospitals' responsibility towards patient confidentiality.

That would make me proud, if it were me.