How do I tell people?

[jenloiacono]

In a previous post, I talked about quitting drinking. I'm still feeling pretty good about my decision. I've been tempted, as this is literally the most stressful week of work out of the entire year, but I'm doing well.

The thing is, it's been such a part of my social life for so long, how do I tell people that I quit drinking without going into all of the personal and somewhat embarrassing details of how I came to my decision? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.

PS: wish me luck. my work is throwing a huge fundraiser cocktail reception tonight and the staff ALWAYS sits around after the event and drinks the remaining booze and eats the rest of the food from the caterers.. temptation abound..

-Jennifer

[Murphy]

I say quote Jim Gaffigan at them. [paraphrasing] "If you say you don't drink, people always want to ask you why. If you say you don't eat mayonnaise, no one asks you why. 'Did you have a bad experience with mayonnaise? Is it ok if I eat mayonnaise? Were you addicted to mayonnaise?'"

In all seriousness, that is a tough one because people probably really will ask you why. I'd probably just give a broad yet vague explanation. And you can even keep it to why you're not drinking that particular time, because people are more likely to let that go....Trying to cut back, don't feel like it...etc. But if you get pressed, just say what you said here, it's the right decision for you and you're feeling good about it. It's no one's business, and I hopefully people will respect that.

Good luck at the fundraiser! That sounds like a tough one.

[in_media_res]

First off, congratulations on your continued success -- and good luck to you at the reception.

As far as how to handle the questions, I can share my experiences and perhaps that will help. I pretty vividly remember my first real social occasion after I quit drinking. It was a barbecue with the families of several friends -- I can't recall the exact event, something for one of their kids or maybe just a summer party. Doesn't really matter -- it was the same sort of drill. An event where my typical behavior would have been to camp out at the bar. So, you have to deal with the challenges of sticking to your commitment -- which we've talked about, and it sounds like you're handling well -- and then dealing with the questions. And you're right. At least one person will give you the third degree about why you're not drinking. I got to the point where I could view it in a positive way -- they're interested in what's going on, and in some way concerned about you.

The thing is, don't over think it. At the party, an acquaintance asked if I wanted a drink -- I explained I had recently quit. And it turned into 20 questions -- like Murphy's example with Gaffigan. Mentally, I ended up going around and around and around trying to sort out what to say, how much to reveal, and I actually reached a point where I mentally locked up. I just didn't know how to respond. Fortunately, a friend interceded and just said "it was for health reasons." Gave me a moment to regain my composure, diverted the questioner, and on we went.

Since then, I've worked out a set of answers depending on the circumstances and how much I want to reveal. Most of the time, I tell people I was trying to lower my cholesterol and lose weight. Both things were true, and quitting drinking has actually helped in both cases. You just don't need to go into things like how it was screwing up your liver, messing with your relationships, and teaching your children really, really bad coping skills. If the circumstances suggest a more direct answer, I frequently just leave it with something like "you know, it wasn't really working for me."

If people really want to dig in, you can always look at them with a big friendly smile and ask "why ever would you ask someone a question like that?"

Good luck at the party. I'll be rooting for you.