In a Strange Kind of Stasis

[Boringartist]

Hi, y'all,

I'm a creative type, with fairly difficult anxiety and depression problems. I'm in a new city, freelancing for the first time (been a staff worker forever until I moved here). My working life now involves a giant amount of "work for exposure," gladhanding of high-powered people, and more hustle than I've ever had to do. This is not an easy life for a socially anxious, awkward, self-loathing sort of person.

I'm constantly passing up opportunities due to self-doubt, and sticking with useless projects out of a lack of self-respect. Now, I find myself glued to the computer, like a drug, just whiling away the hours with my brain disconnected, inwardly cowering in fear. When I am able to will myself to work, I love the stuff I make, and the more I do it, the better I feel. Still, when the next day rolls around, I once again face the fear, doubt, and poor self-image, and the decision to do just about *anything* becomes something I have little choice in.

I need to kick some ass if I'm going to survive, and to do that, I need a change of mindset, 'cause no matter how mindful I seem to be of this one, it's causing some serious damage to my life. I just hope for stronger days and try to stay social (which is hard).

I am in therapy, and it's helped a lot, but I'm not finding traction in it with this issue at the moment.

Anyway, love the show and the forum, just felt like sharing.

[JasmineP]

I draw comics and stuff and have a semi-major deadline in a month. Self imposed in a way but still major. I have done so little work because anxiety keeps kicking me in the gut, it's never ending. I get distracted which is good until a few hours have passed and crushing fear and terror about everything sets in again.

I can appreciate and i think I understand how you feel. It's so nice to just not feel and watch TV or look at nothing of substance on the internet. Do you have any sort of daily routine, it could help. Maybe making a small piece in the morning (i don't know if this is possible) but starting the day with a personal small thing that you do for yourself could make your days better and give you some type of personal little encouragement to try something new creatively.

Good luck with progressing and creating more and facing new challenges head on better.

[Boringartist]

Thanks for the kind words, JasmineP, and I wish you luck with your own struggles. I do have a schedule of sorts, but I have a devil of a time sticking to it when my mind just wants to check out. It's the darnedest thing, given that I am a productivity/organization geek and super-punctual in my better times.

Blargh, must bust through this dumbitude.