"I'm broken/I'm being too hard on myself" Ping-Pong

[Frootsy Collins]

I have depression and anxiety, and I've reached the point in my recovery where whenever someone gets frustrated with me or doesn't like something I do, I don't know whether or not its because of some flaw related to my mental illness I have to change, or if it's simply a case of the person not liking me. My therapy has focused on both changing my behavior to be more healthy and to have compassion for my feelings and not be so self-critical. This internal conflict is getting so frustrating that I feel like I can't talk to any of my loved ones, who act like I'm being too draining on them when I'm trying to open up to them about my feelings for support or becoming closer to them. I get mixed messages from my girlfriend to be honest and myself, and to stop being such a baby and get tougher. It feels like ping-pong balls in my head going back and forth, and it frustrates me to the point where I feel like being unconscious. I don't know what to do and who I can rely on. I hate myself so much when this happens and feel like everyone else hates me. When I tell people I feel like everyone else hates me, they express exasperation with my sensitivity and make me feel hated.

Does anyone else struggle with these kinds of feelings? They've been getting so bad lately.