Very inadequate and competitive

[travelrobot]

I can't not compare myself to others and idealize their life, then feel horrible and inadequate about myself. My ex and I broke up less than two months ago and he is with someone else now, I am not. I don't even necessarily want to be with anyone right now but feel so awful that it happened for him before it happened for me. I am also so nervous and anxious about him or any of my friends becoming successful and wealthy before me. I care about these people and do want them to find happiness in their life. But not before me. It makes me feel shitty and evil. I just desperately do not want to be left behind. I am in my early 20's and I know this is probably a common feeling. I know logically it doesn't matter and incomparable, But it's driving me to idealize suicide. It just feels like I can't imagine existing in a world where I am the biggest loser and everyone else is thriving.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello travelrobot, welcome to our little forum!

For me, I had a breakdown at 25 that finally put me on the road to recovery - I stopped caring about what other people thought and got professional help for myself to deal with my suicidal ideation. I had to let my ego completely crack before I made myself vulnerable enough to get help and work to help myself, no matter what it took.

Please don't wait for a breakdown - it was very dangerous.

I really identified with your post.

Please take care, all the best, you are so close to your greatness, and you are so close to escaping the rat-race of competition with your peers, and really being nurturing to your own soul. We here are all cheering for you and cheering you on to your greatest today and tomorrow!