Skin Doesn't Feel Right

[hedgewitch]

I feel like I put my skin on wrong today. I keep tugging at it and the wrinkles won't get out.

I'm tired all the time. I don't have the time or energy to do anything I want to do. I already hate my job (not the company, just the job itself). My depression is packing a wallup today and it really started last night. I still feel like I don't have any friends in LA and I'm always on the edge of moving back to Chicago and giving up on everything because this place is so miserable. Everything that once brought me joy doesn't anymore. I'm going through so much sexual/gender identity issues that I feel like I'm going to explode or implode.

I had a Sophie's Choice moment last night where I could have cried for about an hour and gotten 4-5 hours of sleep, or bottle it up and sleep, waiting until I have time to let it all out. Chose sleep. Probably will cry when I get home from work.

My dreams are crushed into a fine powder to be snorted by the universe.

Why did I move out to LA only to work in a fucking call center?

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, hedgewitch. Keep us posted.

[LatinPhrase]

I saw the title "Skin Doesn't Feel Right" and I practically gasped. I've been feeling the same way lately. Food doesn't seem to taste right anymore, I can't play a video game without getting infuriated, it's like I can't enjoy anything. I've been stressing about my future, my dreams, my friends, my non existent love life, everything. I wish I could give you a hug because I know you're hurting.

[hedgewitch]

Thanks everyone. Not feeling a whole lot better than I was on Sunday. Tried discussing my gender/sexual identity issues with my therapist and I felt really shut down. I'm really starting to consider looking for a new therapist, but I have no idea what to do about leaving the current one. (All my other therapists had been terminated by me moving or them moving.)

Still feel like I don't have any friends. I have people that offer if I need someone to talk to, but thanks to a shitty social worker in high school and several people in my life, I never feel like I can actually talk to anyone about my issues.

As for work today, I got here and my inner child was throwing a tantrum. Did not want to be here. Thank god it's half over.

[LatinPhrase]

I'm sorry to hear that. I would definitely try and find a new therapist. If you're feeling alone, the last thing you want is someone to make you feel EVEN MORE alone.

[hedgewitch]

A week later and I am one therapist lighter. Reeeeally awkward. I asked for assistance from my Facebook friends on how to do it (which sometimes is a crapshoot, I know). But I was lucky to find that my therapist-friends emerged from the weeds to issue advice on how to drop my therapist. I think it worked? She called me yesterday while I was watching my college football game and I was unprepared to talk about that right at the start of the game.

Now, I'm back at work, my body hurts so much, I'm so tired. I woke up in the middle of the night and I couldn't move my arm. It was completely stiff. This has been happening periodically and it's really frustrating. I lose circulation in my fingers and hands all the time. I've been in and out of chiropractors and it never helps. Hello hypochondria, but I think I might have chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia because my body is so fucked up and I never get a good night's sleep.

Going to see a new doctor on Tuesday (because my last GP was also not good, particularly at the "billing on time" part) and I'm gonna write a list of all my issues so I can go in and discuss all of them. Should be fun~~~

And here at work, my inner child is kicking and screaming to not be here. I want to be at home with my cat. I want to apply for other jobs in the industry I want to work. I want to have the energy to do the things I want to do, instead of working, eating, and sleeping. I hate this.

[Katla]

I know exactly how you're feeling. My skin hasn't fit right since puberty, more than 20 years ago. I also get numbness in hands/arms, as well, and when I'm at work, I just want to zone out and nap, or jump out the window... good thing it has three panes and doesn't open, because I'm on the 10th floor at work. I don't want to go home when I'm at work, because then I'm around my family, and they would just nag me about why I'm not at work. Good luck with the new GP and finding a new, better therapist!