Oddly enough...

[IdentityPoltergeist]

I'm feeling really, honestly elated for no reason at all. Extremely unusual, but I'll take it!

My boyfriend was tired of hearing me talk about wanting to die and making comments and jokes about the dog eating my internal organs (morbid sense of humor), so he got me some supplements that this science magazine he reads had found to help boost mood and stabilize some mental illnesses. Using three of the five right now: NAC, omega 3 and St. John's wort (definitely ask a doctor before using if you take other medications or have conditions this may affect). After 2 weeks, I feel it kicking in. My energy is up, I'm dancing and singing, I enjoy a few things again, I'm annoyingly exciteable. Hasn't cured me but I'm not having emotional breakdowns crying on my knees in the shower and wanting to die, and that's an improvement for me.

I had resigned to the fact that I would probably follow through, I had high anxiety about finding a therapist, calling them, and the anxiety of trying to make appointments that fit m schedule since my boss wasn't always cool about my taking long lunches or leaving early every week for my last one, which increased my anxiety (the reason I was going in the first place!). So for now, it sucks but therapists are all too far away and don't have flexible schedules. And unfortunately employers aren't understanding.

But this is working and I'm very grateful. I'm not dwelling on things as much. I don't tell myself I hate myself multiple times a day. I feel hope. I'm motivated to write again.

I think this forum had also helped, hearing your stories, getting and giving and seeing support. I'm pretty isolated right now and seeing and feeling human connection and empathy really does help lift my spirits.

Really want this feeling to last!!!

[manuel_moe_g]

Awesome! I am so happy for you, IdentityPoltergeist!