Something of a mental crisis, right now.

[oak]

Hello.

I am in the midst of a mental/emotional crisis right now.

I always post here about "using one's words", so here goes:

I am facing an ongoing, extremely stressful situation.

I am afraid of having a stroke or heart attack tonight from the anxiety.

I can imagine (picture?) my life as much better, and I have fairly good ideas of how to get there, but my means to effect such an outcome seem so limp.

I don't know how I can exercise control over my life. I mean, I understand theoretically how to have more control, but I don't know how in practice.

I am scared and lonely.

I am not H (thank goodness), but I am definitely A and L, with a little T.

I am sliding, over the last 18 months, into hypochondria. Almost like hypochondria is seducing me, which I feel shameful typing, because it is so weird.

I used my words when I was at my worst two hours ago, and a family member came and comforted me. Another family member saw my sorrow and was confrontational.

I am really sad.

There! I've used my words.

Thank you, Mr. Gilmartin, for providing this space. Thank you, forum member, for reading.

(Happy caveat: Unlike crisises in the past, ie the bad old days, I am not contemplating my own life. As I get a little older I regret that I won't live to 1000: there is just more and more to learn and experience in life: nature and foreign language, to take two. If I lived to be a thousand I'd always love women. I am one of those guys who has just always loved women. And I do have three goals of little actions I can take tomorrow to make things 1% better.)

I feel a little less alone. Even if I have just a little love and hope in my heart, I have gratitude to you for reading.

If you don't mind, I might post here again if things get worse in my head.

[brownblob]

Sorry to hear things are so bad at the moment. I hope they get better for you.

[rivergirl]

I'm so sorry, Oak. I'm glad you're reaching out and using your words. I hope you got through last night okay, and that today will be at least a little better.

[Brooke]

Being in an emotional crisis is a very scary place... I'm sorry you are going through an extreme hard situation... I can't imagine what it could be... And on top of that, you are afraid of having a heart attack from the anxiety... You must feel so scared and alone...

You are not alone in having hypochondriac. Both my husband and I have it. I think it's relatively common. I mean, we don't all want to die right? I can relate to hypochondria "seducing" you. Depression is a major seducer. When you are at your limit emotionally, it's nice to just fall into depression...like curling up in warm blankets. At first. Then you are stuck and wondering how I can get back up.

I'm sorry that one family member became confrontational when you spoke up. I believe they can't handle your vulnerabilities because they themselves don't and can't accept their own vulnerabilities. I feel like she treats herself that way when she starts to feel weak and vulnerable--like slap yourself back! Only people who accept and can love themselves on the inside despite their many flaws can empathize with others and can appreciate sharing those feelings. It is such an honor when someone opens up to you and becomes vulnerable. And when two people can be vulnerable with each other whether it's friendships or romantically, it really is a beautiful thing.

It's scary to be the first one to be vulnerable, so thank you for being that one. It makes me vulnerable too and that's why this forum is so wonderful

[oak]

Thank you all for posting; I appreciate it so very much.

I am much better.

Typing that two nights ago was a major source of sanity and objective reality.

Life can be really hard sometime.

As suppose there are as many ways to have a breakdown as there are people.

I'll post more when I more myself. Much love.