Chest pains. Hospitalized soon?

[oak]

I am using my words. I am only as sick as my secrets.

I have been struggling with anxiety for about a year.

Things have been going better lately, until they weren't:

Today I had terrible chest pains and couldn't breathe.

I have a doctor's appointment in a few hours. I feel a little better, but I can see myself ending up in the hospital today, which is probably for the best.

[oak]

I am leaving for the doctors office in 90 minutes.

In the meantime, I told my mother that I could feel Death right behind me. She replied that 40 year old men don't die of heart attacks, and added that she also has many problems.

I have since reached out to a more caring family member, and am using my words here.

This is the only place I can use my words right now. Thank you for listening. I am grateful for this space.

[manuel_moe_g]

Praying for you, Oak. Thanks for keeping us informed. Please keep the lines of communication open.

[Beany Boo]

You're doing well to manage this.

You're mother sounds scared and ill-equipped. I know about that.

As long as you keep making your own choices, you'll be okay.

Oak, death is right behind all of us. That's being human. You're dropping into the rapids to be sure. All you have to do is keep a hold of your paddle.

Listen to your doctor, and keep using your words. They'll get you through this.

Write down any difficult things your doctor says.

If you have them and they let you, take some flip flops with you to the hospital.

Tell us how you went.

[HowDidIGetHere]

Really glad to hear you had an alternative to your mother's "support." Here's hoping it's something manageable for you.

[oak]

Thank you for your wonderful, kind posts. I am touched.

I am feeling better, and back from the doctor. He listened to my heart, then gently but firmly probed my side: it turns out it was a sore/pulled muscle. It happened to be at the same time as great anxiety, hence I thought I was going to end up hospitalized. In fact, I was in such pain, and so tired of the pain, that I hoped to end up there. Though I was ready to go, I'm glad I didn't have to.

Trying to keep myself occupied, before going to said doctor, I typed out my final wishes, and shared them with two of my family members (using my words, words that should have been said years ago) after getting back. The three of us promised to stick together, to keep communicating, and just start trying actions (since any action I take is unlikely to make things worse, seeing as how things are pretty bad now).

My doctor advised me with specific ways to reduce my stress, increased my buspirone, and ordered an echocardiogram.

I know that it is time to reduce my anxiety; I don't want to keep experiencing chest pains.

Thank you for listening and sharing. I've done a lot of crying today, but reading your kind responses was the first time I cried for happiness.

[Beany Boo]

You're a rockstar! Way to take care of yourself!

Anxiety is tricky. You can sometimes not know what's stimulating it until after the cause is no longer there. Be patient with yourself. You had a win today.

[manuel_moe_g]

I feel so inadequate after reading Beany Boo's lovely crafted replies.

I am so very happy. Everything you did, Oak, was consistent with self-love, which is the greatest thing.

You will leap away from this experience stronger and healthier.

Glad to read your words, you are a friend and a brother.