Really lonely today

[rivergirl]

Out of a feeling of desperation I posted an online profile & a selfie of my face on a dating site over Memorial Day weekend. I was shocked and happy to get quite a few messages from men. For a couple of weeks it actually changed how I view myself. I thought that maybe even though I'm 56, I'm not too old to think that I might find love again.

I decided to wait a few months to post a better profile and more photos after continuing to lose weight, so took my profile down. I wanted to make sure that anyone who decided to meet me would know exactly what I look like and not be disappointed.

But yesterday I had one of those lonely weekend days and again acting out of feelings of desperation, sent a message via the site to one of the men who had contacted me. He asked me for more information about myself, and I spent way too much time crafting a reply. Then, without reading what I wrote or replying, he abruptly sent me a single sentence with his phone number asking me to text him more photos of myself showing my figure. I felt uncomfortable and declined.

I know that all kinds of things happen in online dating and this wasn't even particularly bad, but somehow I felt crushed by the change in his tone and completely discouraged again about finding a partner. I'm feeling intense shame over my weight and my age (56), intense regret at having waited so long to look for a relationship since my divorce, and passive suicidal feelings.

I'll be back at work tomorrow and see my therapist Friday evening. I'm not in danger, I just feel so discouraged and have a hard time imagining that I won't always be this lonely.

I'm thankful to have a place to post this.

[brownblob]

Hi Rivergirl,

I've heard a lot of negative things about dating sites. I hope you have luck with them, but be prepared to weed through some jerks as you search for one you like. I hope you find someone. Take care my friend.

[rivergirl]

Thanks for reading my post & for your kind reply, brownblob.

[bigeekgirl]

rivergirl - Online dating as a woman is both easier and more creep-tastic than it is for our straight male counterparts. Don't be afraid to block anyone who is nasty or presses for physical details too soon. When I was on OKCupid back in the day, I would get messages from guys who wanted to have cybersex (which I've never understood the thrill of) or guys a decade my junior - I was only 30 at the time - looking to get laid. Good luck to them in what they are looking for but I was looking for legitimate dates with grown men.

Remember, you are only using the online bit as a screening tool. You are a wonderful and worthy person.

[rivergirl]

Thanks so much, BGG.

It occurred to me yesterday that the only guy I replied to was the one who was the most pushy (sending me multiple messages before I'd even responded to him at all), so I'll just be a little more aware of who I respond to next time. In the huge metropolitan area where I live, and with the site I'm using, there are so many guys that it just seems overwhelming. I'm going to step back and wait until I'm more prepared to try this in a less half-hearted way.

Thank you for "creep-tastic" .. I'll think about that as I peruse some of the more questionable ads.

[oak]

Bravo! Well done.

You have done very well, Rivergirl, very well indeed. You should be proud. You can look yourself in the mirror, and sleep well. You have done everything Life has demanded of you.

And yeah, the rejection.

I've detailed in this forum before that I've been rejected for coffee dates by thirty plus women in 2018. Yeah, the rejection is jarring, isn't it?

We've both been rejected quickly for apparently surface reasons. Comparing our situations, I've noticed that the women who decline dates with me are super kind. Just totally lovely. The guy you mentioned was very abrupt.

For my own curiosity, do you think I've been treated more kindly because I invited out people face to face while online dating is less personal? Or could it be than women are kinder when it comes to dealing rejection?

I really don't know, and would love to hear your thoughts.

At any rate, you got your first emotional punch to the face, and you are going to bounce back. You are really far along, just by taking this step. It gets easier.

Well, the rejection never gets any better, but soon you'll be laughing about these situations.

Keep us posted. Be careful of the upcoming weekend. Post here if you get lonely and/or upset. We want to see you succeed.