Big Programming Project, "Unsolvable" Relationship Issues

[Beany Boo]

Another word for ‘rational, realistic, sustainable’ is: adult.

You may feel like you are not enough. You’re not... and also, no one else is. Everyone fails at trying to be enough.

That’s not a failure. That’s growing up.

The best you can do is be an adult who fails, without tapping that childhood ‘all or nothing’ fear of failure. And I guess, who lets others know it’s okay that they’re not enough too.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks for the gift of perspective, Beany.

I try to be an adult, but I am so weak, and everyone else is so strong. I have to take advantage of all my privileges. It feels shameful.

[manuel_moe_g]

My therapist said to use R-A-I-N on the statement "I try to be an adult, but I am so weak, and everyone else is so strong. I have to take advantage of all my privileges. It feels shameful."

i will break it down part by part, and use R-A-I-N ( https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/ )

I have written about R-A-I-N on this forum, i just have to find me notes

Take care, everybody, i will flesh this out tomorrow!

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Edit: define WOOP and RAIN here viewtopic.php?f=23&t=12356&hilit=rain&start=50#p37402

whoo-hoo!

[oak]

Manuel Moe! Thanks for sharing.

Let me offer you this: not everyone is strong. In fact, I am right there next to you. I often feel weak, and sometimes am weak. It is okay to be weak sometimes. It is human. You are human, definitely.

Besides, it takes a person with considerable strength to admit they are weak: consider the moral giants who founded AA (in my hometown btw: even an “unimportant” town in the midst of a depression can be fertile ground for so much love and healing): I can name only one strongman from that era (Mousillini, and look how he ended up) but can name many of those “weak” men who changed the world.

So if you are indeed weak, you are in good company.

[Beany Boo]

I read your phrase like this, “I try to be an adult, but I am so small, and everyone is so big. I make a burden of myself. It feels shameful.” You’re big now and your needs are not burdensome. The shame you feel might also include pained outrage; at the indignity of how your feelings were neglected. Outrage is hard to bear when strong feelings were forbidden to us, or strategically ignored. Processing this would be difficult for anyone. No one (in a healthy mind) would shame you for it.

[manuel_moe_g]

Oak and Beany Boo, you guys have my back, i feel seen and heard. Thanks.

[manuel_moe_g]

i was pretty depressed and feeling sorry for myself this past weekend, but today i surprised myself by being effective at programming today.

i feel pretty good thinking about it, i will enjoy this feeling.

Take care, everyone, I am thinking about you, wishing you well, you are all very good people, and I hope you know it!

[oak]

I am glad you are sending us good vibes, made it through a difficult weekend, and held on to enjoy today and it’s programming.

See if you can ++ that loop of happiness going forward.

[manuel_moe_g]

See if you can ++ that loop of happiness going forward.

This is great. Really appreciate it, Oak.

Today's therapy session was good, worked on STOP-THOUGHTS, logically true statements that I can use to STOP unhealthy thoughts

"feel very bad and sad about somebody I love acting out" -> STOP-THOUGHT: "This person has PTSD, I can give them information on PTSD for the circumstance they are in right now, I can empathize, then I can SURRENDER"

"I feel responsible & I feel hopeless and helpless & I feel depressed" -> STOP-THOUGHT: "I can only control the things that I can control"

I will try these two STOP-THOUGHTS on for size this week.

Also got clarification on the "A" in "RAIN": Allow myself to look at the sad feeling or thought <from afar>, without running away from it"

I thought I had to <step inside> the sad feeling or thought to really look at it, but that is too close. I can do it <from afar> because then I have perspective and I can look dispassionately and objectively at the sad feeling or thought.

[oak]

I’m glad it brought a smile to your face!

Let me offer you a friendly challenge, an exercise to expand your mind:

Picture a Venn diagram of two circles: one with your programming knowledge, and the other with your growing knowledge of RAIN.

What is in the area of where the circles overlap?

Put another way: what is RAIN in a simple programming concept? Eg, can you run a mental while loop with the RAIN heuristic?

Getting a bit more expansive, what is your HTML (content of your RAIN thoughts), CSS (how the content presents itself), and JS (where is the movement?)?

If this resonates with you, great. If not, equally great. Something to think about, my friend!