therapy session 11-15-2022

[manuel_moe_g]

when i have a depressed thought, hug the part of my brain that generated the depressed thought

"bad" things i do, blame them on my inborn challenges, or the circumstances that i cannot control

"good" things i do, my inner goodness gets credit!

get done what i can with my current capabilities

when i am distracted with un-mindful things, and i finally get a pause between stimulus and response, gently take advantage of that, give myself credit, smile, move onto something productive - this is part of the road to success!

i hope that i contribute to you guys feeling seen, in the same way that you all make me feel seen!

(by the way, i tried stopping my half-dose of Abilify under the supervision of my psychiatrist, it didn't pan out, but i recognized the problem, and got back on that half-dose of Ability and got back on track - a success story!)

[manuel_moe_g]

sometimes my physicality and physical posture is depressed, so i try to act as if i am less depressed, in a self-loving and relaxed way

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Manuel Moe

You are so seen and your first contact with me on this forum is something I am forever grateful for. Your doing a lot of work on yourself currently and I admire this. It’s confronting, confusing, conflicting and it take so much courage.I am learning a lot from you.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks, Mental Fairy! Your words make me feel great! So many awesome people here, it is an embarrassment of riches!

yeah, recording here that i feel so scared, because i am falling behind so many self-imposed but very real deadlines. there are so few productive minutes in a day! i really feel i wasn't meant for this world

[Mental Fairy]

you were meant for this forum.

[snoringdog]

i really feel i wasn't meant for this world

Word.

I was just thinking this myself, today.
Should start a new thread.

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Mental Fairy, Thanks SnoringDog!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my inborn mixture of mental challenges, attitudes of mind, and abilities makes me dream up all kinds of accomplishments, and that same mixture makes it impossible to fulfill those accomplishments because of my lack of effective executive control

<a curse>

[Mental Fairy]

Manuel Moe

I am going to be honest here because i don't know how else to explain it. Reading your journey makes me so proud of you and also makes me aware i haven't done enough of this myself. The inner child is a very difficult topic to tackle. I envy your courage. I feel i have only tapped into the moments i feel capable of dealing with. The rest is to hard and confronting and takes enormous strength and courage.

Hypnosis helped me so much with this but i have since found things trigger it to come flooding back. It is like a door that got left open and you can't close it.

I recall a few months back i had a moment of connecting with the inner child on my run in the rain and sat in a old seat on the side of the road and put my feet up on the lazy boy foot thing. I sat there laughing at myself at 4am in the peeing rain on the side of the road and promptly got up and carried on. Once upon a time of would of never done that. It healed a little tiny part of me. Then i found there was far more to work on. Does it ever end??

Keep up the good work my friend.

[manuel_moe_g]

trying out watching this "Morning Mindfulness Meditation to Set Your Intentions" https://youtu.be/WBzcMuMw4yQ

I am trying watching it several times a day, to have intentions for the different parts of my day

trying to open the gap between stimulus and response and having mindful choice for my actions, several times a day

using self-compassion when i fall short

one interesting part of that youtube meditation is the idea that blocks of time are a "gift"

also thinking that my challenges and my disciplines in response to those challenges are all "gifts"

[Beany Boo]

trying to open the gap between stimulus and response and having mindful choice for my actions, several times a day

I sense intention in the writing of the above post. It’s not a great analogy but, it puts me in mind of rain clouds forming, from nothing, into something heavy with intention. Also, I see the intention to ‘caretake the day’, even just in the words chosen, which is very much in the spirit of mindful meditation.

I am also compelled to say, it is easy to assume that the problem around intention is that there’s not enough, whereas it can also be that there’s too much; there’s a stoppage due to bottlenecking. Getting the balance just so might make all the difference to a situation.

Great job MM