some prep work on new year's resolutions

[manuel_moe_g]

Do you find you’re more reactive at certain times of day? When you have overworked or overeaten? In the presence of to many people or difficult locations?

Can I ask what situations concern you most?

I am scared to death of my ability to let my productive life drift away while I: eat, nap, play with my smartphone, tiktok

I have so many responsibilities, and i do nothing

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breaking-down, giving up because i think i am bad and worthless is just a way to let myself off the hook

self-compassion + a little sustainable work = getting the most done and being the most productive, any way you analyze it

i can use the spirit of play and experimentation to see whether i need to do some emotional work first, or whether i need to do a bit of planning first, or whether i just need to dive into the ickiest gnarliest task and just do it

[Mental Fairy]

Being productive is a head down bum up type of approach. Getting the mindset in check, putting the phone in a drawer or in a different room.

Acknowledging the tasks and priorities.

Mondays are anxiety filled days for myself. I get patient results in from over weekend. Get the most urgent out of the way first. I’ll check the news or update on forum and sometimes just do a little mindfulness check in. Then attack next pile or proceed ahead with planning for next day.

That feeling of worthlessness seems to be default setting for many of us. That feeling hits at moments before a workout, before a meal, before or after checking news or worthless internet things. Removing bad habits is difficult. Sadly mine is looking at the news. Never used to be. For some reason it’s become a habit much like people talk about with Facebook of that tick tock thing, instagrams or those things I don’t understand!!!

Can I ask about how you feel in your relationship?

I ask this because something that bothers me is connecting or lack there of with our significant others. Personally I don’t feel worthy. There is an image in my mind of the perfect person for Joe and it’s nothing like me. Not even close. I feel like I’m a substitute for someone he couldn’t really find. However, one night we went to a standup comedy thing before we were really an item, I noticed he saw a girl and that girl saw him. There was something there that even I saw. It hurts to think about really but he would have been better off with her.
That feeling is always there, he has never left me and the resentment seems to keep coming back at times.

There is absolutely nothing that can convince me I’m good enough. Honestly nothing, I think more so because unless you’re with something that understands then it Will forever be a problem. He’s never understood, he’s made fun of my quirks at times. I have resentment.

I am hoping you are getting the support you need during the times you’re not on the forum.

When you’re driving along and see people going about their day do you wonder if they feel just as frustrated as yourself? Many times I wonder if people with what looks like the perfect life really are perfect people. Is there such a thing? I don’t believe so.

Dream for myself would be to have a cabin in some woods, cook beautiful meals with fresh produce from my own garden and a log fire with a massive sunken in couch that you disappear into when you sit or lay on it. No neighbours and star filled nights! No worries about what to wear, going out without makeup and that feeling of judgement lifting the moment I get home.

Sadly a life like that is but a dream. Bugger it!!!

Thinking of you Manuel Moe, I do worry about you when you haven’t stopped by. You’re a big part of this forum that we couldn’t do without.

A Gia mental hug to you.

[rivergirl]

Hi Manny,

I don't know if this helps but sometimes in the Buddhist talks I listen to they refer not to being good or bad in our habits, but skillful or unskillful. I know it can be difficult to avoid judgments of ourselves (the harsh parental voice). Always easier to see from the outside looking in, like I see that you are so much more than how many hours of productivity you put in per day.

The same goes for MF, it makes me sad that you feel worthless or not enough for Joe.

rg

[Beany Boo]

Running a long way in high gear on empty requires a high degree of productivity.

The risk in stopping is an alternative focus won’t be quite as productive, one less efficient but more energy conserving.

[manuel_moe_g]

I will accept myself even if my productivity goes down

Sustainable work and self-compassion even if my productivity goes down

There are some people in my life who could not bear it if my productivity doesn’t improve, but I don’t have to take on their judgement

[snoringdog]

When you’re driving along and see people going about their day do you wonder if they feel just as frustrated as yourself? Many times I wonder if people with what looks like the perfect life really are perfect people. Is there such a thing? I don’t believe so.

I've posted about this before, and it's an illusion. How many times have we read about someone like this going off the rails, and had trouble understanding it? It's just that we've bought into the outward appearances and extrapolated from there, incorrectly.

I found a little book in the library called "How do we know ourselves" by David G. Meyers that I'm halfway through. Short essays about how we think, how we perceive ourselves. relate to others, etc. Thought provoking ideas from psychological studies and observations.

in the Buddhist talks I listen to they refer not to being good or bad in our habits, but skillful or unskillful.

This is great! A non-judgmental reappraisal. A reframing that presents itself as a challenge (I can get better at this!)

[Mental Fairy]

Will be adding this book to my collection

[manuel_moe_g]

my revolution in productivity is to <not> expect or even want a revolution in my productivity

i will just earnestly go forward in the manner that i do go forward

not hate myself for it

[snoringdog]

Yes Manny, small steps...

"Reduced productivity" might be a better way to think about it, kinda like the "skilled/unskilled" labelling of habits, right?

And this reduction can come from inward or outward blocks, right?
Identifying them and finding ways to reduce them is the trick.

(Is the productivity work-projected related?)

[manuel_moe_g]

Use an app called "inflow" that is developed for people who have ADHD. I don't technically have ADHD, but I think I am on the spectrum for it, and the cognitive techniques for it helps me a lot. These are some messages I had with Kara who is a facilitator for the ADHD Zoom coworking sessions (where people with ADHD can work on things using a technique called Pomodoros ( https://todoist.com/productivity-methods/pomodoro-technique ) and do them on camera to hold each other accountable during the work time and also provide support in the chat and also live during the breaks, run by a facilitator)

Manuel: Hello Kara, how is it going? Well, I hope! coming out of the weekend I am struggling with the idea that my ADHD and my brain in general makes me dream of big goals, but my ADHD makes it impossible to actually <do> those goals.

Kara: Is there a goal that can be a step toward the bigger dream that your brain could handle?

Manuel: it seems like I am so underwater that I simply have no time or energy for actually working on dreams

but I still have big dreams, they like haunt me

Kara: The thing about dreams and goals, is that it can be too vague for us to understand a path to get there. However, we still have the desire to be someone who... (insert habit here). What kind of habits and routines does the you that accomplishes these dreams have?

Manuel: hmm, that is a good way of thinking about it! thinking out loud, I will gently work towards the habits that the me that accomplishes those goals has (accomplishing those goals under my current situation, not waiting for the perfect life situation). If I don't do the habits perfectly, I will still love myself, I am just gently steering the ship into those habits