How I Feel Journal

[gfyourself]

Thanks duck1 and serenity88 for the posts!

I feel a bit self-conscious of coming on here and being negative, but here goes.

I have a few deadlines coming up at work and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed. But, I have this habit of overestimating how much work things are going to take and sometimes it winds up that these things aren't so much of a big deal.

I'm really getting tired of being so anxious and depressed about everything. I had four days off due to Thanksgiving and pretty much just lied around watching Netflix... as I have been quite a bit for the last while. I'm obviously wasting my life being anxious and depressed but I can't seem to get out of it. Or, at least I can't snap my fingers to get out of it. Improving the situation long-term seems like such a daunting task, one that I'm not capable of.

I feel a lot of shame that these thoughts have been circling my head for (literally) decades and I've not sorted it out. I'm very lonely, have no relationship, no good friends or even solid acquaintances, and almost at the end of my 30's. I really identify with that whole inner child thing, that I wasn't treated as my own person when growing up when I did not have the tools to "fight back" or "leave" so isolating was my way of dealing and here I am so many years later with the same issues... its destroying my life. Even as I type this I feel sad but sort of removed. If you listen to the interview of Paul that Alison Rosen just did the inner child thing comes up again.

I feel like no matter what I do I'm destined to lose my job and wind up homeless or somehow having to move back in with my parents.

I've been in therapy etc. but am not willing for whatever reason to leave my comfort zone.

I guess one thing I've been thinking about today is trying to focus on positive things rather than negative, because what you think about tends to be what happens to you (this is not new information). But... I don't know, I feel like I'm just in a massive circle jerk in my head and then I'll slowly crunch more and more into the fetal position until my life ends.

I think I have to stop now - I don't know if this was helpful but at least I got it out of my head a bit.

Maybe I'll post a bit more later... I dunno.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello gfyourself.

I really identify with that whole inner child thing, that I wasn't treated as my own person when growing up when I did not have the tools to "fight back" or "leave" so isolating was my way of dealing and here I am so many years later with the same issues... its destroying my life.

Change is the key thing. One cannot keep doing the same thing and get different results. After my breakdown at 25 until now at 42, I have been changing. But my anxiety makes change so very slow and painful. I like writing stuff down in my notebook, so at least I keep myself from getting stuck in loops - I am kind of forced to move forward.

I guess one thing I've been thinking about today is trying to focus on positive things rather than negative

Not necessarily. You have to get really negative about a situation to have the motivation to change it. Because of my anxiety, I know what I *don't* want - I make forward progress by running away from what I don't want.f

Please take care. You don't deserve this suffering. You have written things on the forum that made me feel better, I wish I was a better person then I could say something to you to make you feel better. You are a good and worthy person. All the best, cheers!

[gfyourself]

Thanks Manny - ps I heard you on the podcast this week - good stuff!
pps do you go by "Moe" ?

Today I online-ordered my ticket to the live show in Toronto in November. Looking forward to it.

Usual Sunday negativity today.

[Raggedy Brandi]

I like the idea of this thread, is it ok to jump on it and add my own posts? Or would it be better to start my own thread? New to forums and don't want to step out of bounds. Thanks!