misogyny, a series of memories
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
19 years old, working a trade fair booth. A man comes up to me and whispers how much he loves "my skirt". There I go having an ass again.
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
Some point in childhood, watching the Johnny Carson show with my parents. A female actress is talking to him. He is staring at her chest, turning everything she says into a double entendre. The audience is laughing. My parents are watching. This is when I first have the conscious thought that my job is to be ornamental for men.
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
25 years ago. I'm an independent working for a contractor on a job site. To get to the area where my contractor is working, I have to pass through a doorway. The second day a drawing of a labia appears on the door frame with the words "welcome <name of contractor>". I'm put in the awkward position of having to complain to my contractor, who will never hire me again, or complain to the company, who will never hire my contractor again.
Ah, well, what's another piece of my soul gone.
Ah, well, what's another piece of my soul gone.
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
Once I get to my contractor's area, I think I'm safe. We've had a professional relationship for years. I know the names of children, grandchildren, vacation plans of many of the guys. When I set to work, one of them yells Hey Muffin! I don't answer. He yells again, Hey Muffin! Muffin! After some time he yells my name. WHAT?! I yell. He looks shocked. Uhhh, what are you doing? MY JOB. I turn back to my work.
Back at the office I can't say anything. My boss is a woman who has decided to succeed in a male environment, she has to be dirtier, raunchier and tougher than the guys. I can fuck right off if I can't do the job.
Back at the office I can't say anything. My boss is a woman who has decided to succeed in a male environment, she has to be dirtier, raunchier and tougher than the guys. I can fuck right off if I can't do the job.
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brownblob
- Posts: 827
- Joined: January 22nd, 2016, 4:51 pm
- Gender: male
- Issues: depression and anxiety
- preferred pronoun: whatshisname
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
I am still ashamed of things I said and did 30 years ago. It is uncomfortable now to read your posts and think that one of these women still remembers and hurts from something stupid I did long ago.
I don't like people much and they don't much like me. -A Beautiful Mind
I'm Homesick for a home I never had.--Soul Asylum "Homesick"
I'm Homesick for a home I never had.--Soul Asylum "Homesick"
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
Thank you everyone for letting me purge so much here. I know it was probably as hard to witness as to write. You are all so kind. I think this is enough for now.
Brownblob, I know, I know. I offer you my support. We're all better humans today than we were yesterday and that's what counts. Don't let it haunt you.
BeanyBoo, your work is showing! Thank you so much for your kindly worded thoughts and relieving me of the burden of how this lands.
Manuel Moe and Oak, the strong pillars of our group here, thanks for witnessing and validating. It was hard throwing this at a group I knew was mainly hetero men, but I think that may have been part of the point.
Heather
Brownblob, I know, I know. I offer you my support. We're all better humans today than we were yesterday and that's what counts. Don't let it haunt you.
BeanyBoo, your work is showing! Thank you so much for your kindly worded thoughts and relieving me of the burden of how this lands.
Manuel Moe and Oak, the strong pillars of our group here, thanks for witnessing and validating. It was hard throwing this at a group I knew was mainly hetero men, but I think that may have been part of the point.
Heather
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
Bravo!
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
Oh, Heather. Thank you for sharing.
Until I processed some of my similar memories with my therapist, I carried around so much internalized shame that it would have been hard for me to read your posts. That sounds pretty awful, but I would have felt shame on your behalf because these things were done to you. Now I'm able to read your posts and feel the compassion that you deserve, and feel sadness and anger at the misogyny and misplaced sense of entitlement of these men in your past. I wish that I could go back in time and be there to stand up for you.
To brownblob: It also takes courage to admit that you look back and regret some of your earlier behavior. I remember Paul sharing similar regrets about ways he had interacted with women in his past, and it was a revelation to me. I too regret misogyny that I've directed toward other women many times in my life, so it isn't only a male vs female issue.
Heather, I sense that you're already on your way in processing the effect these experiences had on your spirit, but it still takes a lot of courage to share such painful memories, even in this supportive environment. Thank you for summoning the bravery to allow us to be your witnesses, and please continue to share anything that helps you along your journey toward healing.
rg
Until I processed some of my similar memories with my therapist, I carried around so much internalized shame that it would have been hard for me to read your posts. That sounds pretty awful, but I would have felt shame on your behalf because these things were done to you. Now I'm able to read your posts and feel the compassion that you deserve, and feel sadness and anger at the misogyny and misplaced sense of entitlement of these men in your past. I wish that I could go back in time and be there to stand up for you.
To brownblob: It also takes courage to admit that you look back and regret some of your earlier behavior. I remember Paul sharing similar regrets about ways he had interacted with women in his past, and it was a revelation to me. I too regret misogyny that I've directed toward other women many times in my life, so it isn't only a male vs female issue.
Heather, I sense that you're already on your way in processing the effect these experiences had on your spirit, but it still takes a lot of courage to share such painful memories, even in this supportive environment. Thank you for summoning the bravery to allow us to be your witnesses, and please continue to share anything that helps you along your journey toward healing.
rg
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: misogyny, a series of memories
Thank you so much rivergirl. It made me so happy to picture you (as I imagine you!) and I as adults just staring down these guys and saying What are you doing?
I had a rough week after posting these, but I needed to put it somewhere because the memories kept coming back.
I've dumped a lot of shame over the past few years. I previously would have thought I deserved all the behaviour directed at me. Internalized misogyny is real.
Now I know I exist for me.
Heather
I had a rough week after posting these, but I needed to put it somewhere because the memories kept coming back.
I've dumped a lot of shame over the past few years. I previously would have thought I deserved all the behaviour directed at me. Internalized misogyny is real.
Now I know I exist for me.
Heather