4 x 4, what I am working on right now

[oak]

I am glad the “I” portion of rain is going well.

Your therapist is doing an excellent job.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Agreed, Oak! I'm happy MM's therapist is keeping on track.
Manuel Moe, turning to love (acceptance) from hate will free up so much energy for you.
I'm loving the random number job pick. Brilliant! Am stealing!
Heather

[manuel_moe_g]

Using healthy boundaries, using my voice

feeling anxious about it

[oak]

Go for it!

Let us know how it goes.

[Beany Boo]

Normal, continue.

You’re rock in’ it.

Wu wei

Plant a flower, watch it grow.

[Heatherwantspeace]

You have a right to use that voice and be heard.

[manuel_moe_g]

I have noticed that I subconsciously fail to use motivation to help get my work done. I know why: I am scared if motivation fails, then that must mean I am even worse of a person.

For example, if I think about the welfare of my daughter for motivation, and then I find that I take a nap during the day, obviously that means that I don't _really_ love my daughter, because when push came to shove I fell apart.

The solution is to use self-compassion and realism when setting goals and trying to accomplish goals with motivation. If I collapse, it isn't because I am a bad person, it is because I am a person with challenges.

It still isn't easy.

[oak]

Manuel Moe: I enjoy your most recent post, and approve of it.

May I offer a specific consideration, of one phrase you used? You ask, rightly, if you can provide for your daughter "when push comes to shove".

Let me riff on that for a moment.

Between us, we have 100+ years experience in this difficult life. We have seen some stuff. We have experienced things that others didn't survive. In addition to profound personal disappointments and traumas, let's look at the society-wide traumas:

While 9/11 will always be its own thing, we've survived Columbine, the Great Recession, the opening crises of climate change, and many others.

2020 has been push coming to shove like no other year I know. Push has come to shove. I speak with the authority of the full knowledge of the difficulties of life, both individually and societally.

2020 is own crisis and trauma, one trauma piled onto another, and you are indeed providing for your daughter.'s welfare I say this as a sober, steely grown man, without any mawkish or affected sense of comforting you with pretty lies.

If your daughter is housed, fed, and has clean clothes you have profoundly provided for the welfare of her. If she has dental care, to the extent that her gums are not actively bleeding, you have done even better. If she has fresh air, internet access, and leisure activities then she is very rich indeed.

Millions of Americans are facing eviction and hunger in the next very few months. If you have a reasonable plan to keep her housed through the end of 2020, then you are providing for her welfare when push has come to shove. Millions of Americans would be overjoyed to have such security. While few of us are rich I can assert that you, her, and I are wealthy indeed to have food and housing in 2020.

Push has come to shove, and you have provided for your daughter's welfare. Well done.

[manuel_moe_g]

this is so kind, thank you so much, it means so much to hear you say all this

i feel strong emotion now, but i cannot cry, it is a shame

[manuel_moe_g]

Was thinking about shameful memories are actually past memories I haven't fully mourned because of the lack of a guiding example in my past. If I knew better, I would do better. So fully mourn that there wasn't a helpful person giving a guiding example, and I ended up doing the wrong thing, and that is to mourn, not to feel shame about.