PATHETIC ME

[CosM129]

Hi all

I'm feeling pathetic,ashamed, useless, but mostly scared and really unhappy I am feeling this way because I have been off work since November and I have to go back to work on the 17th of this month

I don't want to do this anymore! I have to work with the public and in a noisy, cramped, bright area, I have to think and concentrate and I have to be happy and helpful and i have menieres disease now which is an inner ear disorder that makes me have vertigo, nausea, dizziness, and tinnitus, and i cannot stand loud squeaky noises and i work where kids and family's are in addition to my bipolar disorder issues. I have a bad history with my coworkers and they know me as someone that is unreliable and has called in sick to the point where I would have been fired at least 200 times if i wasn't a union worker. I have missed important work dates caused them so much scheduling grief and extra work they really must hate me. I also feel like a loser and my brain doesn't work that well so while sometimes I can work very well other times i am behind and i need more help than others the learning of technology is not good people expect us to know everything. It is harder for me too cuz i don't have a life and i dont know how to make small talk or have fun when everyone else is close and stuff and my coworkers are stuck with my sorry butt. The people i work with don't know exactly why i am sick ever so they are strapped with the burden of more work as I cannot pull my weight like them and know there going to accommodate me and i am not working the same hours that they are so they may feel like i am getting special treatment cuz i am going to be working 3 or 4 hours shifts 18 hours a week and daytime only.

I know that probably sounds awful but i was not full time before. I also hate the fact that I am obsessed with my work; once i get back and i have been off before for a few months. I swear to anyone that reads this no matter how much i think it through of whatever i am obsessed with my work i think about it all the time i cannot get it out of the way. I also have to check my email for schedules and stuff and i just don't have much of a life but anyhow i don't know how to explain but i really get obsessed. I am so pathetic honestly i am making more money know than ever before with benefits and i am so scared and unhappy to go back. I do like a few things about it. I just wish that i could work at a different location and somewhere quieter. Should i demand this accomodation? i tried to? should i get try to get fewer hours somehow and i could get the doctor to maybe help me with that? so pathetic honestly. I am so nervous and i have worked in this business over ten years. Cheers any ideas or tell me to go stick my head in my butt!

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello CosM129. You are not pathetic, you are hurting and you need to be treated tenderly. Please be self-loving. You don't owe anyone any excuses - just take care of yourself the best you can in your difficult circumstance. All the best, we here are cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow.

[CosM129]

Hi
Thanks manuel_moe_g
I decided to ask if they could let me take a leave of absence. I am okay for money until the end of the month and I said i would be applying for Long term disability after all. Now i have to get my doctor to change what he did essentially asking him to reverse the back to work accomodation and get the disability. will he wont he dunno he could say no. Don't know if the application will be successful either.

Now i have to tell my husband who i have not been honest with about this. I am really scared to loose him but at the same time i didn't want to go back to work. He is going to kill me (Not really )

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, CosM129, all the best.