Shame / Guilt / Regret / Anxiety - How do they feel?

[snoringdog]

Recently revisited some shared life experiences from 35 years ago with an acquaintance from that time (we were members of a fundamentalist Christian group. Lot of shaming and guilt trips).

I've intellectually left all that behind, but dwelling on it brings up real and unpleasant physical sensations that I remember from back then. Hard to describe, and seems like a mix of the above, but hard to untangle.....

Has anyone tried to describe these states? How they actually feel? (Maybe some gems in the the Struggle in a Sentence submissions?). Brain imaging has shown that some of the same areas activated during physical pain are active when these are felt...

A couple of books I'll be taking a look at
"The Body Keeps the Score"
"In an Unspoken Voice..."

[Heatherwantspeace]

If the episode from a couple of weeks ago with Hilary Jacobs Hendel spoke to you, I recommend her book It's not always depression. I'm reading it through and it's already helping me untangle feelings. Got triggered not one hour ago (something completely innocuous) and was able to feel and explain what was happening with me!
Heather

[snoringdog]

Thanks, I'll cue that one up.

SD

[Beany Boo]

Hey it’s me,

I just finished listening to It’s Not Always Depression on audiobook. It’s available on Overdrive (the international public library app).

Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s book is an excellent resource on how to experience your core emotions.

Thank you so much MIHH for bringing it to my attention.

Love

BB

[snoringdog]

Hello BB!

Glad you're still on board! I've read through a lot of your posts and they've been quite enlightening and helpful.

Plus, I just noticed that you've contributed some Haiku that I need to catch up on.. A kindred spirit!

Maybe it's obsession/compulsion, but for me sometimes when in an anxious state, phrases pop in that I have to write down or type out.... It definitely helps!

[Beany Boo]

Hello!

Thank you

Haiku is great

I don’t post or visit the forum regularly now. I do listen to the podcast. I saw a reference to Hilary and dropped in my two cents. Sorry for interrupting your thread.

But yeah, haiku are great for anxiety. Especially for focusing you on the present and your surroundings.

Love

BB

[snoringdog]

It's been a little quiet, but I've had some meaningful exchanges and made a few friends I think.

Also been mining the threads. Lots of anguish, progress, pain... Wish I'd known about this board a few years ago....

I'll pick up a copy of that book soon, maybe this week.

Regards

SD

[Beany Boo]

Glad to hear you’re finding something here.

I guess I can sort of talk to the topic of your thread from my experience. I’m not an expert.

Those feelings cycle. Sometimes you have a lucid sense of why they appear. Sometimes not.

It’s good to become aware of what is happening in your body as you’re experiencing the feeling. Is your heart aching? Is your face burning? Is your throat stiffening?

It’s good to give it all the time it takes to have those sensations. It pays off. This is usually more time than you want to comfortably spend with it. It’s safe to say time is up when you forget you were having the feeling.

It’s good to leave questions of why you’re having them alone; while you’re having them. There will be reasons. But you have the right to play without also having to referee, if that makes sense.

You can even experience anxiety at the moment you begin to feel safe or nurtured. When safety or nurturing are unfamiliar, anxiety can be a natural response.

What else...

Feelings react unpredictably to interruption.

Not all strong feelings are intense.

The opposite of anxiety is curiosity.

“Everyone is impossible to live with.”

Don’t bite off more than you can chew.