Bookending: Zoom interview Wednesday.

[oak]

Hi friends. Can I bookend (share feelings before and after difficult conversation)?

1. Yay for having a Zoom interview.
2. Exhaustion and anxiety.
3. Guilt for feeling exhaustion and anxiety.
4. What I can do to prepare for interview.
5. Offer myself the same grace I've offered others, here
6. Next steps

1. Yay

Out of the blue, a contact at my previous employer (a big, rich institution) emailed me, encouraging me to apply for a position. While I have the transferable skills (data, reporting, compliance), I have zero knowledge of the content. I applied for it, and I have a Zoom interview today. Yay!

2.Exhaustion and anxiety-paralysis

First up, this terrifies me. I am finding it hard to do anything to prepare (see below), including post here. This is all exhausting.

3. Guilt for the same

Millions of Americans would be glad for an interview. They'd be ecstatic for a white collar job that pays a living wage and good benefits.

However, feeling guilty won't help any of these millions. What will help is move me from my (legal and moral) unemployment benefits to paying back into unemployment. Ergo:

4. What I can do

The Zoom interview is 2 hours. What I can't control: if the person is interviewing me out of obligation (ie someone fairly high up "encouraged" or "advised" him to contact me. I also can't control if he and I click.

What I can control:

a. Clothes: With less than 24 hours notice, I immediately went to Walmart to buy a shirt and tie. In my haste I neglected to get a wrinkle free shirt, but I did my best in the moment, and took immediate action. I considered looking at the local thrift store for a blazer (they have gorgeous men's coats!), but I didn't have time. I am enough.

b. I can situation my laptop, and check for lighting, etc.

c. I can fill out a CBT form, for my anxiety.

d. While I have zero experience with the subject matter of the position, I can aim for a narrow victory, namely that I succeeded, and got along with people (people we know in common) and with sensitive data, at the institution.

I tell myself: "In addition to being good practice for interviewing, I can simply view this as a chance to have a conversation with a recent colleague."

5. Offer myself the same grace I've offered others in this forum

None of us have ever survived a pandemic.

This is my first ever interview during a pandemic. Speaking in coherent sentences is a great success. I can let go of everything else.

6. Next steps

I'll post here later today about how the interview went, and how I did with effecting the above.

Please send some courage and light-ness vibes!

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, I'm too late to send a booster for the interview, but I want to say this...you are already a success for jumping in and doing this with very little notice!
Heather

[manuel_moe_g]

Courage to you, friend and brother.

"Exhaustion and anxiety-paralysis" and "Guilt for the same": say "boo-hiss" to perfectionism, don't let perfection be the enemy of good-enough

be loving to yourself, good luck!

[Beany Boo]

Just be the you, you would want to be while in that workplace, in the interview. That’s regardless of whether you have done that job before or not. That way, if you are offered the position, they’re essentially giving you license to be who you really want to be, in it.

[oak]

Thank you, friends, for your encouragement. It indeed helped me.

While my preparations were okay, the interview itself went well and they said they'd move me along the process.

Since then, examples of getting out of my comfort zone:

1. At taekwando I fumbled through leading the exercises (for the first time!) since I don't know 6-10 in Korean
2. I went to the sports medicine doctor to discuss stiffness and stretching plans. He kindly recommended yoga. Hmmm.
3. Finding courage, I registered for a special trial price for the local yoga studio. While I've found many yoga studios ableist-adjacent (really favoring young, pretty, thin, already flexible people vis a vis older, overweight and unflexible people), I am eager to follow the doctor's instructions.

I mention all this because I've, properly, spent 99% of my time in the last six months in my apartment. It is safe, yet sometimes a safe place turns into a "safe" place if I don't confront my low-grade agoraphobia.

In other words, sometimes the only safe place is in the "dangerous", new area, where we go when life challenges us.

[Heatherwantspeace]

I'm so happy, Oak!
As BB said, you presented the you they would be hiring, and did well! I wish you the best of luck in this and any more jobs out there waiting for you.
What a tremendous amount of courage to lead a group on line. Well done!
Wonderful way to end the week, Oak.
Heather

[oak]

Thanks Heather!

There are many kinds of courage, and one of them is risking looking silly.

An interview and leading exercises (in a foreign language!) are grand opportunities to be properly humbled, and not take ourselves so seriously.