Estranged from parents. Am I decent?

[Mental Fairy]

Good Morning Oak
The tree you are referring to is called Tane Mahuta.
Very spiritual tree. We have a smaller version at our local park. People do travel all over to see trees here.
The disease is also a worry and there are many people who jump restricted areas to get a glimpse of the beauty our forests have.
As you say it is very similar to unwanted people family or otherwise trying to jump our mental boundaries. I have learnt in my 41 years on this earth that family is temporary if you choose it to be.

I struggled with having to live and correspond with my sibling. My mother on her death bed at age 50 apologised for my upbringing on her last two days. Having never ever heard the words “I love you” my entire childhood from her effected me only when she did say it when she was told doctors couldn’t save her. If she never said it I do wonder what my emotional state would be like. However saying it when it’s too late hurts so deeply.
I learned the day she said it that somethings are better left unsaid as they cut deep when it’s too late.

My father on the other hand was a confusing man. Even separated from my mother we finally established a relationship in my teens and he said it every time he saw me. It didn’t mean as much but now he is also passed with the cancer it now means more. He was a Hells Angel yet also a coroner! I know that’s madness! The first time I got to spend time with him was at a mortuary! He cared more about the dead than the living.

Family is really who you surround yourself with. Not who abuses you and treats you like a disease.

Never wish a day away, just make the next one better than the last.

[rivergirl]

Welcome to the forum, Mental Fairy, nice to see your posts.

Oak, I'm sorry about this latest development with your family. I'm glad that you're going to share it with your counselor, and encourage you to continue to look for support outside your family. Please count me in your "family" here. I care.

[oak]

Thanks friends!

Like you, my counselor was kind and encouraging.

I still grieve this mess, and now have another trauma for my PTSD collection.

That can all be true at the same time as I have every reason for hope for the future. I have three reasons to live, so that is good enough to grieve my erstwhile family but be sure to move on. The future needs me.

And perhaps this is a chance for heaven/fate/my beleaguered guardian angel to clear out some old, ineffective people and bring me some real friends.

[snoringdog]

"The Future needs me" -- I love that!

[oak]

Hi friends!

I have a birthday coming up (yay!), which is the first since I became estranged from my family of origin.

I am hoping they don't contact me. I hope they leave me alone forever.

I say this because I am always exhausted and sad and like myself less when I think about them. Unfortunately I'm also increasingly feeling more completely the same about my current work situation (though, objectively, my coworkers treat me far better than my family of origin did).

OTOH, I feel happy/energized/hopeful/like myself more when I do the following: attend group exercise classes at the gym, participate in this forum, reading interesting books, listen to fine podcasts, play immersive video games, take care of my hydration, and swing dance. I like that Oak. He lives in the present and hopes and plans for the future.

Someday, when I'm ready, I'll post a redacted copy of the insane email my sister sent me a few months ago.

I've had three people, all degenerates, speak a lot of negativity over me in the last year. I am traumatized.

[manuel_moe_g]

Someday, when I'm ready, I'll post a redacted copy of the insane email my sister sent me a few months ago.

I've had three people, all degenerates, speak a lot of negativity over me in the last year. I am traumatized.

Soar with the eagles, don't let the buzzards get you down. Anyone who has something negative to say about you, I know immediately that they are shit. So be sure to never say anything negative about yourself, Oak, you should definitely stay out of that category.

[Mental Fairy]

Oak, we are enjoying this new you movement. Super excited for you and even just one small change starts that ripple effect.
You are exactly like my husband in many ways. He cut his mother and two sisters off as they used us and treated us like their bank. They put him down and left him when he was young to be brought up by his grandad. It was the best thing for him leaving them.
Last night his sister reached out and he laughed and pushed delete. He was better for it too.

Thinking of you.