strategy for hard days

[rivergirl]

Thank you for sharing so much about your journeys, MF and MM. It's heartbreaking to think about how you were treated as children, and the lingering effects. I relate to aspects of your stories and current struggles, but mainly I just wanted to let you know how much I admire your vulnerability and your strength. Being loving parents and trying to break the cycle of pain and not pass that down to your own children is so admirable. Hugs to you both and to your younger selves.

rg

[Mental Fairy]

MM, you sound like a loving kind dad. I am reading through the challenges you face day to day and I want you to know from one parent to another, you got this. Your a great dad.

[manuel_moe_g]

why can't i sit still with my feet flat on the floor?

[Mental Fairy]

Tight hamstrings? Tense?

[manuel_moe_g]

glimpsed the feeling a few times today: feeling sorry for myself, wishing didn't have so many challenges

[Beany Boo]

I see you buddy

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Mister Boo, i appreciate being seen

i have a very fraught relationship with <feeling sorry for myself>.

<feeling sorry for myself> ruled my life for my first quarter century, dangerous stuff, it keeps one stuck, stuck, stuck

then i beat it down with an inner monologue of abuse, put <shame> all around it

that saved my life, but it came at a cost

now i am trying to be self-compassionate, and i fail often at that

[oak]

Manuel Moe, thank you for sharing.

[Beany Boo]

The only thing I would say from my own experience about that is this,

1. You can absolutely walk out of that cycle
2. Experiencing a new better cycle may present its own big problems though
3. The walk out may be much shorter than expected but you may have to do it repeatedly, more times than you can keep count of (think Groundhog Day)
4. The success is in the ability to notice, but more so accept, fractional changes each time
5. Many people want to help; knowing how they can or letting them, does not come naturally

This is not a push; there’s no point forcing; change is the worst (and it seems to be overtaking us); I know full well learning for oneself is the only way.

My meditation group leader sent this through this week. It’s not quite subtle enough or to this point but maybe it’s somewhere around a helpful mark and tone:

‘We cannot
become
what we
want
by remaining
what we
are’

Max Depree

[manuel_moe_g]

Thanks Oak, thanks Beany

The success is in the ability to notice, but more so accept, fractional changes each time

a lot of wisdom here, have a hard time accepting fractional changes, i expect total change now, hate myself for not being able to pull it off