I've been ambivalent about continuing with my therapist due to her unreliability, and this morning once again she just didn't show up for our online session and was unreachable by me or by the support staff at the therapy company. At first I felt sad, angry, and pretty devastated. I worked through my emotions and made the decision to text her this afternoon that I was discontinuing therapy, and why. She replied with an apology and an illogical excuse, which I decided to ignore.
The upside of this unfortunate end to my therapy is that I astonished myself with my directness, and with my lack of a need to make her feel better or to reduce the awkwardness of the situation. I think I stood up for myself today.
I fired my therapist
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snoringdog
- Posts: 1451
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Re: I fired my therapist
Good job.
Sounds like maybe *she* needs to talk to someone to get *her* sh!t together.
Sounds like maybe *she* needs to talk to someone to get *her* sh!t together.
Re: I fired my therapist
Nice!
Well done, RiverGirl.
We’re all professionals, and we should have enough pride in ourselves to admit when we aren’t measuring up. She should have realized that herself, and excused herself until such time she either (1) met the minimum standards for competency or (2) found a new career.
Said another way: ideally, she should have provided the minimum sort of service that any competent professional should. She didn’t. While I wish she had, but maybe maybe maybe she inadvertently gave you a sort of therapy: she (essentially) forced you to create boundaries, communicate directly, and then let go of the outcome.
All good therapy goals.
I hope you find a competent therapist soon. In the meantime, I would sympathize if you felt considerable disgust about the whole situation.
(And thanks for the PM and for your reply in my pop thread! I’ll reply in the morning, but in meantime I hope the rest of your Saturday goes well, RiverGirl.)
Well done, RiverGirl.
We’re all professionals, and we should have enough pride in ourselves to admit when we aren’t measuring up. She should have realized that herself, and excused herself until such time she either (1) met the minimum standards for competency or (2) found a new career.
Said another way: ideally, she should have provided the minimum sort of service that any competent professional should. She didn’t. While I wish she had, but maybe maybe maybe she inadvertently gave you a sort of therapy: she (essentially) forced you to create boundaries, communicate directly, and then let go of the outcome.
All good therapy goals.
I hope you find a competent therapist soon. In the meantime, I would sympathize if you felt considerable disgust about the whole situation.
(And thanks for the PM and for your reply in my pop thread! I’ll reply in the morning, but in meantime I hope the rest of your Saturday goes well, RiverGirl.)
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
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Beany Boo
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Re: I fired my therapist
It definitely does sound like you standing up for yourself.
It does me good to see.
She left you alone and you refused to be stayed put.
It was a decisive move.
It does me good to see.
She left you alone and you refused to be stayed put.
It was a decisive move.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
Re: I fired my therapist
Thank you for your comments, SD, Oak, and Beany. It occurs to me that this forum has been the most reliable source of support in my life for quite some time. That makes me feel both grateful and scared at the same time.
Today I'm feeling the loss of the relationship with my therapist, but also an overall queasy bad feeling about therapy in general. I wish that I had the kind of close personal relationships I once had so that I didn't feel so dependent on therapy as a source of support. I lost my previous two therapists (one moved away, one stopped taking my insurance after 5 years). I know this is how life is, that there's no guarantee anyone will stay. I hope it isn't too late for me to find at least one close person who will be around longer term in my life.
Today I'm feeling the loss of the relationship with my therapist, but also an overall queasy bad feeling about therapy in general. I wish that I had the kind of close personal relationships I once had so that I didn't feel so dependent on therapy as a source of support. I lost my previous two therapists (one moved away, one stopped taking my insurance after 5 years). I know this is how life is, that there's no guarantee anyone will stay. I hope it isn't too late for me to find at least one close person who will be around longer term in my life.
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Mental Fairy
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Re: I fired my therapist
I send you the biggest high five ever. You took control and gained some strength to know you would do it again for yourself. Huge relief to hear you did this.
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Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: I fired my therapist
That’s the natural response to this circumstance. It’s gonna take a beat to recover some footing.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
Re: I fired my therapist
Thanks for the support, MF and Beany.
I normally have my weekly therapy Saturday mornings. I officially ended it a few days ago and don't think it would be possible to go back since I reported the experience I had to someone at my therapist's company. I partly think stopping therapy was a good decision, partly feel sad and a bit scared and wish I could talk to my therapist today. Maybe the pain now is better than continuing with her and having more pain later.
I'm sure i'll get through the weekend. I'll go do errands, try to get through tasks that piled up while I was ill, take care of my mom who is now ill, etc. I don't want to sound too negative but the weather is damp and gray, and it matches how I'm feeling.
Regardless of everything else, I really do appreciate everyone here.
I normally have my weekly therapy Saturday mornings. I officially ended it a few days ago and don't think it would be possible to go back since I reported the experience I had to someone at my therapist's company. I partly think stopping therapy was a good decision, partly feel sad and a bit scared and wish I could talk to my therapist today. Maybe the pain now is better than continuing with her and having more pain later.
I'm sure i'll get through the weekend. I'll go do errands, try to get through tasks that piled up while I was ill, take care of my mom who is now ill, etc. I don't want to sound too negative but the weather is damp and gray, and it matches how I'm feeling.
Regardless of everything else, I really do appreciate everyone here.
Re: I fired my therapist
Very good, RiverGirl. We’ll stand by you.
Post here as much as you like.
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
Re: I fired my therapist
Thank you, oak.
I’m out doing errands & struggling. Trying to remember that I’m probably being affected by losing another therapist (even though my choice), having been ill, etc. But right now I feel so much grief and the strangeness of being in this place where I grew up but for the most part so alone here. I’m having a lot of suicidal thoughts because all I can see ahead is more sadness, but I’m able to hold on to the idea that feeling this way may not be permanent. I only have to get through today right now.
I’m out doing errands & struggling. Trying to remember that I’m probably being affected by losing another therapist (even though my choice), having been ill, etc. But right now I feel so much grief and the strangeness of being in this place where I grew up but for the most part so alone here. I’m having a lot of suicidal thoughts because all I can see ahead is more sadness, but I’m able to hold on to the idea that feeling this way may not be permanent. I only have to get through today right now.