Bookend: Saturday to Saturday. Two weeks of downers and bummers.

[oak]

Friends!

Bookend 1 of 2: June 3

I wrote this big, long post about specific downers I've experienced in the last two weeks.

Brevity is the soul of wit, so here is a condensing on this Saturday morning:

1. I had at least three downer events in the last week: not crises and barely mishegases individually, but bummers are cumulative.

2. I am sad.

3. Yoga on the square, which was my raison d'etre to make it through the week, was elsewhere, and I missed it. (No biggie: just a little lack of joy, which is an apt description of my life.)

4. Now, today, I am trying to stay cool (AC and ice water) and avoid HALT, both of which go a long way to mitigating anxiety, especially on summer weekends.

5. I'll pick myself up, try to make some good choices in the coming week, and try yoga on the town square again next Saturday.

Though none of the above is a lie, I am sadder and more discouraged than my words suggest.

Still, I have much to live for and two reasons for hope in the coming week.

This life is just so much.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Oak, I am sad that the week hasn’t treated you very well

You deserve better

Wishing you hope. Wishing you strength

[oak]

Wishing you hope. Wishing you strength

Thank you for your encouragement, Manuel Moe. I hope you're doing well.

Moving forward is the most important, reflection to be done in a limited time frame or your will spin your wheels.

Well said, Mental Fairy.

(TW: non-graphic discussion of delcine and death.)

I spent the last hour on findagrave dot com. I searched for [my birth year] + [recent death year] + [my state]. There are many people my age who have died in recent years. Many.

46 is real, man. And, as I saw with hundreds of obituaries: being beautiful/accomplished/beloved won't stop death.

I've got real problems, some of them pretty serious. But I have a lot going for me, above all that I am alive.

In light of all this, I want to wind down reflecting on my condition, and want to transition to taking action with the following:

Dressing better.
Getting done with sleep apnea and GERD for good.
Taking barre more seriously.
Doing better at my job.
Wearing sunscreen and a hat.
Working on my balance.
Taking better care of my teeth.
Having better posture.
Keeping my apartment cleaner.

Generally, all this old $#!+ that happened, happened. There’s no time to worry about this offense given or that person did me wrong. None of that matters.

This life is real, man.

[Mental Fairy]

Forward facing oak, stand forward facing.

My friend you are loved.

[oak]

Forward facing oak, stand forward facing.

Thank you, Mental Fairy!

And can I plainly ask for your (and other dear forum friends) advice about modest plans for fun for the upcoming week and upcoming summer?

1. Upcoming week's goal: hang on, and go to town square yoga Saturday, June 10.

2. Upcoming summer goal: At barre, dress just a little more stylishly (eg technical shirts, cross training shoes).

Are these reasonable, modest goals?

Basically: keep showing up, trying, and having a little fun. (I mention "fun" because I am getting subtle but clear flirting signals at both barre studios.)

Please advise!

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Thoughts below

1. Upcoming week's goal: hang on, and go to town square yoga Sat. June 10.

Hanging on. Yes that's most important. Remind yourself when you're down that you're not always feeling this way, and things can get better. (I felt like total shit yesterday (Saturday) due to a week's worth of job stress and the very heavy & dull atmospherics all day. Took several naps because I just gave up trying to focus. Today is so much better. If I could modulate better, I would).

Town square yoga - Is that what it sounds like? Cool! Go Go Go!
Outside with a group of like-minded people. You'll feel better mentally & physically.

Pre-Covid, the Metropolitan Musuem of Art in NYC had yoga sessions indoors among the artwork (Greek & Roman statuary if I remember correctly.) I was tempted to go.

2. Upcoming summer goal: At barre, dress just a little more stylishly (eg technical shirts, cross training shoes).

Yes. Dress nicely and you'll feel better about yourself. You are worth it!

[Mental Fairy]

I agree with SD, you must keep showing up for yourself. It’s hard at times but it’s worth it. Some days you can however let it go by and rest. Today was that day for myself. Much like SD work stress and mindset was challenging, today was a rest and read day. I did however wrap up warm and try a walk, I got 50 steps into the walk and went home immediately. I was forcing myself to do something I absolutely didn’t want to do. I came home, hold myself it’s ok to just rest and read.

I admire your plan and encourage you to do what makes you feel good afterwards, even if the hardest part is showing up.

Put your energy into what strengthens your soul.

[oak]

SnoringDog, yes, it is much like the yoga you mention: in a lovely area. I hope you are doing well!

I admire your plan and encourage you to do what makes you feel good afterwards, even if the hardest part is showing up.

Thanks Mental Fairy! I’m taking your advice to heart.

Friends, I am off tomorrow (Tuesday), and while I can’t find the thread, I mentioned a few weeks ago about not warming up before fitness classes; as it turned out my lack of warming up before barré inevitably lead to a mild back strain/pain the last two weeks.

I am not going back to barre for close to a week, and in the meantime I want to get back into tai chi (my only true fitness love) and some gentle yoga.

While I know none of us are physical therapists, a quick consult with Dr. Reddit advised that tight hamstrings (mine are atrocious) can lead to lower back pain.

My plan going forward:

1. Gentle tai chi and yoga most days, effective immediately (I’ve been wanting to do this anyway.)
2. Warm up before barre classes.
3. Cancel barré classes the day before if I am not substantially healed.
4. (Related to back pain) A few years ago I met a neuroscientist. I mentioned that Parkinson’s runs in my family. In addition to stating that my odds are 50% (ie not guaranteed), she stated that in addition to balance exercises, I can watch my anxiety. Stated another way, I have good reason to believe anxiety (of which I have plenty throughout 2023) is inflammatory, and often goes to my back. Said another way: while I am sure my back was strained by doing barre cold, I suspect my current anxiety has exacerbated/inflamed my back pain).

Friends, I don’t want long-term back pain. I know I’ve messed up these last few weeks. But the pain is mild… for now. Whatever is further down that road, I don’t want any part of. I want to do better, starting right now.

Please advise. Thanks!

[oak]

Friends!

Everything that went wrong last Saturday went fine today. I had a great time at the yoga on the town square.

While there were many of the same daily downers (I fully lived each of HALT), I made some good choices this week:

1. Trying pickleball for the first time, I solemnly promised to myself:

"Whatever this pickleball life is, I will do anything to continue experiencing this."

Said another way, like my signature states: I will endure any "how", because I have found this "why".

2. Though there were ultimately no continued sparks, I did go on a date, if one has an expansive and inclusive definition of "date".

Setting aside false modesty, two years of kettlebell and six months of barre have given me broad shoulders and "face gains".

An aside: I'd like to ask our resident medical expert, Mental Fairy, the following: have you seen people, especially middle aged men in this case, transform physically as they escape obesity?

3. No sooner than I posted here, last week, about back pain, I received a letter to the effect that my employer, through my health insurance is offering "digital physical therapy" for those with chronic health conditions (eg sleep apnea).

In summary, while my number of sorrows/downers have not decreased, I have reasons to smile that I didn't have this time last week.

Sometimes people just need a little hope, a little sunshine.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

Yes the male body in middle aged years does well in transforming with weight loss. It does depend on his hormone levels and what type of exercise is used to make such transformation. Bulking up is something that I don’t really agree with, it’s about using the fat stores to decrease the waist line and chest then toning up in conjunction with.

With men it is normally face and abdomen that can change first, around the neck line and thyroid areas. I watched Joe go through this once but then he piled it all back on. Joe eats for comfort and when stressed. I do the opposite and stop eating. It’s a seesaw effect of emotions and responses.

Cholesterol checks will determine where you are as far as heart goes. Fat stores in the arteries is alarming and needs to be dealt with immediately to prevent cardiovascular issues during weight loss journey. High cholesterol can be inherited and difficult to navigate in that case. Joes on medication to try lower it but sadly it’s not shifted for him as the GP thinks it’s inherited.

Everything in moderation and keep an open mind with movement. You are doing well to attend public events. Since my last public run event I have refused to do anymore. It sunk me into a hole as I felt so exposed and mortified at my own insecurities all the way around the run. Public events are not for me.