Dealing with never having relationships. Facing goals

[Hidalgo]

I am in my late 20's and have a lot to work on never having long term relationships. I have a counselor who has offered not only to sit down with my mother whom I believe is the cause of a lot of my anxiety around women, but to call her to try to come to a session if she will not listen to me. I have a lot of confusion and anger about getting over obstacle that lie in the path of me getting my wants and needs met. I don't know if it would be a good idea or not to be vulnerable around my mother who has a lack of respect for who I am and has never really had the ability to acknowledge me as a separate person. I always got the feeling that she was jealous on some level and didn't know how to give me confidence and other skills to help me become successful. I feel like absolute failure and pussy. To think of what I have lacking is a habit I am trying to break. I live in a nice place with opportunity and don't even know how to warm up to the single mom I am living with. It has started to get to my heart and leaves me with a heavy amount of frustration.
Things are getting better at a pace that feels like I am able to watch them change and wonder why it has taken me so long to face my abilities or limitations. I still feel detached and do not want to continue like this. I have been lonely most of my life and don't know how to express that and gain respect for myself. I am trying to think how to address what I am working on to my mother without leaving too much room to deflect my feelings like she would normally do or pull my triggers. I do not tell her that I am in therapy or go to al-anon because she is too hysterical and does not know how to respect boundaries. I feel like she has a great deal of control over how I feel and I need to bring a stop to it. If anyone has had any success dealing with things like this I would love to hear your stories.

[oak]

Hey Hidalgo.

If you are a straight guy, I can offer some thoughts on how to date more, but I don't want to assume your gender identity or orientation.

As far as your mom, yikes. Others may disagree, but here are my thoughts: if she is resistant to explore these difficult and important issues, it may be wise for now to just let her be, and seek counseling/therapy on your own.

Sometimes it helps to work on one thread, one issue, one variable at a time.

If you want to date more, there is plenty that you can start doing today to be dating this summer.

If you want to heal the relationship with your mother, there are also practices you can implement.

I feel for you, and am glad to see you posting here.

[Hidalgo]

Thank, I appreciate any and all advice. I'm so straight that I wish I wasn't. It would be a lot easier.

[oak]

Oh dude, it is easy and fun to be straight, when you do things right.

There are a number of schools of thought on how to date more. If you are interested I can pm you them, rather than buzz market them here.

[Hidalgo]

Thanks, if you send a pm I'd love to hear it.