Scared, paranoid, crazy?

[Geek]

I've got bipolar 2. In the past couple of weeks, I've been manic. I had hallucinations which were new to me, and a bit unsettling. Those passed, but today "mania" convinced that I needed to change religions. After much reasoning with myself, I'm trying to put the brakes on any major decisions until I'm feeling better. I am amazed on how convincing mania can be.

I'm scared because its like I'm 2 different people in 1 body. I'm one way part of the time and someone else when I'm manic. I even tried to dye my hair this weekend...thank goodness i was talked out of that. I'm scared I'll get delusional paranoid again thinking that someone is after me. I don't want to go to sleep yet because I want my hubby to come home first...all of the sudden I don't want to sleep alone. When I close my eyes I'm afraid someone will be there to "get" me.

I'm also scared to tell the pdoc because I cannot function on antipsychotics. But, I know I need to at least tell him about this.

[oak]

Hang in there, Geek. Hugs.