Cutting?

[EliCash]

I started cutting when I was 13 and it quickly became a nightly event. I stopped when I was 16ish and more than 5 years later I'm beginning to accept the fact that I will have large, visible scars on my forearms for the rest of my life. I probably would have fallen back into it a couple years back, but weed turned out to be much more effective... which wasn't necessarily a good thing.

Other than a sad, sad need to watch porn every day from like 6th-7th grade, cutting was the first in a long string of unhealthy, addictive behaviors.

[minigrogs]

Not sure if I answered accurately. Burned myself at times one year, (2-3 times). Had a period this year, cut with a paper clip. Never went to degree a lot of people do. Always, been in therapy or went right in when started this. Its like a huge, okay, you are not alright right now, thing for me. But the urges come and go, especially when depressed, obsessing about my weight, really anxious. All of those. I don't think I fit what is stated there, but the urges are a big issue for me.

[comaseason]

I don't cut as much as I used to. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I don't. And both choices are okay, they are ways of coping - and it's important to be able to make it through the moment you're in, but my choice at my best moment would to be doing something other than harming myself, so that is what I pursue. I haven't cut myself in about 6 months, but I do engage in other physical self harm behaviors like scratching or digging at my skin. I use the same "safety plan" for cutting that I do for suicidal impulses because I tend to dissociate frequently as part of PTSD. Cutting and dissociation are a dangerous combo because you can cut deeper than intended or do serious physical harm without knowing it because you're not really *in* your body.

There's a lot of stigma attached to cutting/self harm. I have been on the receiving end several times. One situation that sticks out in my mind was a time when my sister came to visit me from out of town and noticed a few cuts near my elbow. She asked what it was about and I didn't answer. She narrowed her eyes at me and said "You did *that*? What are you 13? That is so stupid.", at the time I was 31. With the help of my therapist, and some good education on the topic I feel a lot less shame and condemnation for the physical self harm that I occasionally use to manage severe emotional pain.

[manuel_moe_g]

With the help of my therapist, and some good education on the topic I feel a lot less shame and condemnation for the physical self harm that I occasionally use to manage severe emotional pain.

This is so awesome, because now you can be your own best friend and you can sincerely give yourself the self-forgiveness you deserve.

Please take care, all the best, we here are all cheering for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[fifthsonata]

I do it in times emotional desperation. When I'm feeling so low, so full of self-hatred.....that only the pain and sight of the cut can offer me temporary respite from the thoughts and feelings in my head. When I'm done I become practically catatonic, staring at it, and even more sickening, "paint" with the blood.

[jenloiacono]

I started cutting when I was a sophomore in high school, and at that point the cuts were not too deep and the scars are not too visable today. I was cutting almost everyday my senior year of high school, just continually reopening the same cuts.

I cut pretty frequently through freshman and sophomore year of college. i experienced a TON of anxiety in college when my boyfriend cheated on me, and i was just not adjusting to college life very well. I also did not start drinking until i went away to college, and everytime i got drunk i was get really depressed and cut. Looking back i am disgusted by how urgent my need to cut was. If i was at a party, I would go into the bathroom and find a razor and just cut away, hardly thinking about how unsanitary it was. I was just spiraling in that moment, and the only thing i knew would snap me back to reality was cutting. The pain was the best way i could figure out to snap myself out of it.

In sophomore year of college, was the worst incident i had. I got really really wasted, and went to town on my arm. It was much deeper and bled much more that i was prepared for, and I called my best guy friend at the time in a panic. he came over and bandaged my arm as i was crying because of how embarrassed and vulnerable i was in that moment.

At that time he was seeing a therapist at our school's counseling center, and basically made me set up an appt with him. He waited outside the counseling center to make sure that I would show up. That was such a miracle. I saw this therapist for the rest of my college career, and he helped me tremendously.

To this day, i have had a couple of "relapses" during particularly stressful times in my life (starting a new job and feeling overwhelmed, planning my wedding). as much as I want to say that it is something i will never do again, if i seriously take a look at myself, I know that i still consider it an option when things get bad. I wish that wasn't the case, but i fear that I will always be tempted to revert to that coping mechanism, especially since i have life long scars on my arms that will forever act as a reminder/trigger.

Does anyone else feel like their scars are triggers? i try to stay away from anything else triggering (which is hard because i'm finding that being depressed for so long, it's become part of my identity and i'm almost afraid to lose that part of myself) but i can never escape my scars.