Limerence/Love Addiction

[hilda_x]

Thanks for the reply, manuel_moe_g! I'm sorry you struggled with longing/isolation in your youth. I'm glad you figured out how to deal with it and how to heal yourself!

"talking back to obsessive thoughts and just interrupting obsessive thoughts"

This is a great thing to keep in mind! I should work on coming up with methods of quieting my obsessive thoughts. I currently tend to wallow in sour moods and my mind keeps spinning, when I'm in those zones, letting obsessive thoughts really take over. But there are probably many useful methods of trying to calm these sorts of states down and cut them off, rather than feeding into them. I was really flipping out the other day, and kept doing things that sort of reinforced my mood/negative thinking. Actually, this reminds me of a previous time when I was having really negative, unhealthy obsessive thinking related to another romantic obsession and difficult situation. I was in a pretty bleak place, emotionally, because my mind just kept spinning and spinning, trying to solve the problem. I finally realized that I could only fix my own emotional and mental states, and that I wasn't able to directly change external situations - I could only try to be patient and wait them out. I finally had a talk with the person I was involved with and asked for her assistance in intentionally blocking my knowledge of details of situations that were causing me emotional distress, and I practiced saying mantras about those situations not being relevant to me when they crept into my mind, attempting to cut off those thoughts. After a while, it surprised me by actually working. I'd always thought, before, that having the fullest knowledge possible and being as deeply in touch as possible with your own mental and emotional states, and knowing as much as possible about details of your relationships and the world were crucial things... but, in that instance, it actually took me creating a fabricated, though very useful (almost life-savingly so) sense of lack of knowledge and repression of hurtful information in order for me to get better and find the endurance to wait for external changes to take place. And, eventually, they did take place. I was so surprised that intentional denial and pseudo-dishonesty were healthy things, in that case. So I should take your advice about thought interruption and my own somewhat similar advice and try to block negative, harmful thought patterns! It's so easy to forget the lessons you've learned...

[manuel_moe_g]

It's so easy to forget the lessons you've learned...

Yeah, I know that feeling, big time.

I think in the Simone DeBlasio podcast, she said one way you take talk back against obsessive thoughts is by asking "is this new information?". If it is not new information, why do I have to pay it any mind?

Acceptance of the fear - holding the fear close and tenderly, like you would hold a crying child - another way to integrate a fear into a mature response.

[hilda_x]

Wow, that's all excellent advice! I'll have to listen to that episode of the podcast - I think I missed it. Thank you so much!

[meh]

This describes one of my all to many symptoms perfectly. Too perfect.

I constantly obsesses over other people and imagine scenarios where we could be together. Even if the rational part of my mind is telling me that this could never happen and the other person most likely doesn't feel the same way about me.

I think it all boils down to my mistaken belief that I will find that someone who will complete me, fill the huge gaping hole in my soul and accept me warts and bipolar and all. It's probably why I got married in the first place and goes a long way to explain why the marriage is in trouble today.

[manuel_moe_g]

15 years after my breakdown, I am finally putting away the fantasy of something magical happening and making all my problems go away. I wish I had worked through that one faster, and not taken 15 years.