Brain fog: am I the only one?

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, I'm glad the fog is lifting. And how kind of your mind to spare you having to remember the minutiae of your difficult time!
I may have to give F.Gump another try.
Heather

[Heatherwantspeace]

Oak, the fury I felt was a voice screaming in my head I AM NOT a narcissist! How dare you accuse me!
I think that was a full year ago, or perhaps more. That realization really needed some cooking time! Now I just accept that I have some nar tenancies, whether born of imitation or the fear of not being seen...what does it matter. I am still basically a kind and thoughtful person and the more I self reflect and feel secure in who I am, the less I will need to steer things back to me. I'm thankful for people who are kind and understanding with me.

Would love to hear how your fury manifested, and how you came to your realization.

I'm reading a book that opens with a poem by Rumi that includes the dark thought, the shame, the malice. meet them at the door laughing and invite them in
and, no kidding, I thought hey this sounds like Oak stuff!
Heather

https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.u ... est-house/

[oak]

@Heather: Oh, well said.

That is such a lovely poem, and says so much so briefly.

My guess/theory is that (and I'm speaking in the most broad terms here) what the poem refers to as "sorrows" means that my psyche found grief, with all of its difficult experiences, to be more important than forced, facile "happiness: just smile".

Example: in "Ordinary People", our hero Connie did the hard, dangerous work of soul-work (he went on the Joseph Campbell journey, which is very dangerous indeed). He lived, but he was scarred. Meanwhile, the other archetypes present, ie the friend (unwilling to face) and father (forced cheerfulness) either die or are destroyed.

And yes, I seriously doubt you are a narcissist. I'm sure you can effect narcissistic behaviors now and then, like all of us, but in no way could I apply that label to you, globally.

Thank you, Brownblob and Heather, for indulging my musings on Forrest Gump. If I may, some more:

Lt. Dan: He is far more interesting to me than anyone else in the film. I've always taken care of my feet better because of him. He cared about his responsibilities, faced his grievous faults, was honest in his anger to God, stuck up for his friend even at his most drug-addled, and made it through to the other side, complete, availing himself of the advantages of technology and diverse people. A modern man!

The (former) housekeeper is the other story I'd love to hear! I find her more compelling than all the other characters, starting with momma, combined.

Regarding Jenny:

First, Robin Wright did an amazing job portraying her.

Second, I now realize that acknowledging human pain was not on my radar in 1994, the year I graduated from high school, and the year the film came out. (Feel free to read in between the lines about the culture of 1994 vis a vis human suffering and emotional complexity.)

Then pain and failure and hurt showed up, and I realized why Jenny would find herself throwing rocks at the old house, then collapsing. Sometimes fiction is more true than reality. Such a poetic way to express such hurt.

In other words, I had to learn to love. Ten years ago I fell in love with a friend who had a childhood distressingly similar to Jenny's. While she didn't reciprocate my romantic love (probably for the best!), she did teach me to love.

Now, with hopefully the wisdom of 25 years, I see Jenny (and Lt. Dan and the housekeeper) as complex characters. While one-note characters like Momma and Bubba are there to advance the plot, I find Jenny sweeter and more appealing.