Inability to think clearly.

[Eternally Learning]

I oftentimes feel like my brain has just stopped funtioning properly. This isn't a self-beatdown, but there are times when I feel like I should be able to reason something out or complete a simple objective, but just cannot. I've felt like this off and on for quite a while (at least since puberty), and it is very disconcerting.

A recent example of this was the other day when my brother and I were playing Portal 2 Coop online. I kept trying to do simple things like select the correct level that we'd both agreed on 2 seconds ago, but I selected the wrong one, or I'd lay out a plan of attack for time-sensitve acheivments, but when implementing the plan would do the exact opposite. It ends up making me very very anxious, self-conscious and pretty stupid. I just don't know what to do when I get like this as nothing seems to make a difference except time.

I've considered that it may be that I'm not getting enough sleep, or that it may be a cascade effect of getting more and more anxious with every mistake, or even that I may have some sort of low-grade Autism (I also have constant issues socially too), but I end up just feeling like some sort of hypochondriac.

Does anyone else out there suffer similarly? Is it a depression or anxiety thing or should I look into other explanations?

[rob b]

im no doctor but its possible you have a.d.d. I have all of it and just found out a few years ago. Finding out at 50 explained a lot of how comes for me. Do online research.

[Eternally Learning]

im no doctor but its possible you have a.d.d. I have all of it and just found out a few years ago. Finding out at 50 explained a lot of how comes for me. Do online research.

Thanks Rob. I've looked around online a bit, but I'm a little weary of self-diagnosing improperly and all that goes along with it. I already half-feel like I'm somewhat autistic and found a survey which agreed with me, but who really knows. At this point, I've decided to focus on fighting the most crippling part of my illness, my depression. Once I've got that moderately under control, I have a feeling that some of this other stuff will lessen as well.

If you don't mind my asking; how does your A.D.D manifest itself? I've only ever know hyperactive A.D.D.

[Frootsy Collins]

As someone who has an autistic brother, I doubt you have autism, since autism generally manifests itself at around 4 years of age, and you said you started having these issues around puberty. It generally happens while the brain is in early development before the brain's synaptic mapping is well established. It also strongly affects the language center of the brain, and you seem to write far too well to have autism (my brother is in his 20s and is limited to about 5-word sentences, although his case is very severe). It's a spectrum disease, so it's possible to have language ability with a lack of social abilities (such as with Aspergers), but the age of development seems to be pretty consistent across the spectrum.

Not being able to follow through with plans seems to be more of an anxiety thing than depression if I were to guess, although depression and anxiety can definitely fuel one another. I know that I can get depressed from being to anxious to decide on what to do with my time, then become depressed after wasting that time being anxious, and getting lazier because of that depression, then becoming anxious about the time I wasted being depressed, and so it goes.

If you think that something clinical might be causing this behavior, I would definitely recommend seeking a professional rather than trying to diagnose yourself, as you'll probably find yourself identifying with any given set of symptoms to some extent ("Now that you mention it, I DO have trouble with eye contact!"). Do you have medical insurance? I'd definitely try to get a referral to someone who can evaluate you, since you'd need to do that to get any medication that would be strong enough to treat something as serious as ADD or anything in the autism spectrum.

[Eternally Learning]

As someone who has an autistic brother, I doubt you have autism, since autism generally manifests itself at around 4 years of age, and you said you started having these issues around puberty. It generally happens while the brain is in early development before the brain's synaptic mapping is well established. It also strongly affects the language center of the brain, and you seem to write far too well to have autism (my brother is in his 20s and is limited to about 5-word sentences, although his case is very severe). It's a spectrum disease, so it's possible to have language ability with a lack of social abilities (such as with Aspergers), but the age of development seems to be pretty consistent across the spectrum.

Thanks Frootsy. I don’t know if I have it or not, but if I do I’d imagine is about as low on the spectrum as you can get. I have a couple friends with Aspergers and they seem more linguistically challenged than me. As for my writing, I often have a hard time clearly communicating what I feel or want to say. I think I write well in some regards, but in others I just fall flat. It’s even worse when I’m speaking though because I cannot self-edit before I say something. A common theme in my life is being oblivious that the things I say and do have effects on other people or are considered socially unacceptable or unfavorable. That part of my life though has been like that as far back as I can remember and long before my depression settled in.

Not being able to follow through with plans seems to be more of an anxiety thing than depression if I were to guess, although depression and anxiety can definitely fuel one another. I know that I can get depressed from being to anxious to decide on what to do with my time, then become depressed after wasting that time being anxious, and getting lazier because of that depression, then becoming anxious about the time I wasted being depressed, and so it goes.

I know I have anxiety sometime, but I’ve never had a panic attack or anything that bad. I relate to what you’re saying though, about anxiety and depression fueling each other.

If you think that something clinical might be causing this behavior, I would definitely recommend seeking a professional rather than trying to diagnose yourself, as you'll probably find yourself identifying with any given set of symptoms to some extent ("Now that you mention it, I DO have trouble with eye contact!"). Do you have medical insurance? I'd definitely try to get a referral to someone who can evaluate you, since you'd need to do that to get any medication that would be strong enough to treat something as serious as ADD or anything in the autism spectrum.

Yeah I didn’t say it very well, but that was my point about the online survey/test; I can self-diagnose any number of things by looking online, but I lack the expertise to contextualize my symptoms and determine the most likely causes. I really want to seek help, but I’m feeling pretty stuck right now. That’s a more in-depth topic though. I may post a new thread about that later.

[lornrick]

Don't know how this will go over, but from what i've read here I really think some will know this feeling. I wrote this after a vision of it while I was trying to get ahold of my emotions during a real bad day about a month ago. In honesty it was more of a visual thought than anything, but had to write it down shortly after. For what it's worth enjoy.

The Stone Gollem

Even time has forgotten how it got trapped in the endless swamp. Large, grey and weatherworn to shapelessness it treads in a straight line. The swamp has no end in any direction, and it has gained knowledge of this as an endless hurricane assaults it form. Little chunks are knocked away as the storm hits with all its furry. Each step adds more weight and pain to its legs, adding burdens like the barnacles on the hull of a ship, every step a little harder. No longer even sure of what purpose it serves, or why it is. The only choices left are to step again and face the pain without relief, or give in and let the swamp claim it in its depth leaving no trace.

[allofat]

I can imagine how you feel. I am 63 and was diagnosed with ADD about 3 months ago. After 3 trials we found a med that works. You should see a professional for diagnosis. I am 90% better than I was before. I could not complete a task without starting another and another and remembering to go to the back to the original task. I also suffer from anxiety, fibro, depression.

[BikeForDays]

I feel like I'm stuck in a endless loop of indecision --> missed deadline --> self criticism/hate --> self-medicate --> foggy brain the morning after X repeat.

I was diagnosed ADD in HS but I don't know how much stock I put into that... plus depression affects attention. So it's hard to say what is masking what. I have been thinking about an ADD medication... since I've been on an anti-depressant that works for two years now. Maybe give that a two year test window too. And yet, I can't decide on that either! GAH

[next year]

Hi BikeForDays

My husband was treated unsuccessfully for depression for a few years before he was diagnosed with ADD at 35. They often go hand in hand - I think the term my husband uses is comorbidity?

Anyway my husband has had some success with ADD meds in addition to an antidepressant. And they are meds you take as needed - I think he generally takes them during the week and not on weekends. You may have to try a couple before you find the right one, but fortunately it's not like antidepressants where you have to take them for a few weeks to gauge the effects.

If possible see if you can find a therapist who specializes in ADD. I think it's so hard for adults with ADD - it's like there's tons of attention paid to it in school, and then when you're out in the real world there's not much support. Like they think people outgrow it or something. One book my husband liked was "Driven to Distraction."

[BikeForDays]

Thanks for the response Next Year (and sorry for delayed response.... life got even busier recently)

I will check out driven to distraction. It's strange but for certain things (or certain times) I can focus really well on things that take a ton of resilience. I once had to spend 10 hours straight mixing an album. Aside from a few bathroom breaks and one pizza break it was straight through.

And yet, when I need to sit down to do homework or something less intense I am trying to do like 5 things at once. Or start in the middle, realize this, start over... get confused. Etc.

I have been trying to use CBT and similar techniques to manage. In fact I have even gotten to "rating" certain fairly indefinable things, like if a piece of music is "together".... just seeing a percentage helps me see where the work needs to go even if the number is fairly meaningless.

Just as depression shows up a lot in artists I feel that ADD does as well. Or more creative science or mathmatics...