Safety Thoughts

[rivergirl]

For some reason this safety thought makes me smile, Beany. I picture you with a blissful grin on your face and people around you with cartoon steam coming out of their ears.

[Beany Boo]

I like it

Yes that is more or less how I pictured it too.

[Beany Boo]

So… safety thought:

I think the secret to listening might be:

Letting the speaker talk until they’re finished without trying to cut it short, specifically by, offering a fix for the issue that they’re raising. When they’re finished, instead, you show them that, even though you have heard them, you remain safe, having listened to what is affecting them.

From the other side, as the speaker, you’re signaling to the listener, that you don’t need a fix for the issue you’re talking out. You just need to see that they are safe, while having listened to you, regardless of how the issue you raised, affects you.

I’m guessing that, if you don’t feel safe listening or being listened to, you simply withhold consent; until you’re ready. I can sort of do that although it’s still delicate and unfamiliar.

This makes it possible to take turns and take care of the conversation.

(Not all my thoughts are ready)

[Beany Boo]

Safety thought:

It might be okay to feel lost
And believe you can do stuff you value
Both at the same time

(Not all my thoughts are ready)

[rivergirl]

Hi Beany,

This safety thought reminds me of an article I read recently about Acceptance & Commitment Therapy. I'm not sure I understand it yet but I did get the idea that it involves accepting rather than trying to change distressing emotions, and taking action and living in accordance with your values anyway.

rg

[Beany Boo]

Yes. I would definitely go along with that.

It’s difficult to withhold consent with some people and you end up feeling your’s and protecting them from their, emotions - distressful. You can still maintain a locus of control through the midst of those experiences.

No matter how tragic the world and life gets, you can yet practice sharing trust with people, modulating the level to take care of your own protection.

I’m not sure if I’m making sense.

I don’t mind feeling lost because it’s still me here gently doing stuff I value, without really thinking about it.

[rivergirl]

Makes perfect sense to me.

[Beany Boo]

Safety thought:

It’s okay to be afraid of things going perfectly wrong,
While not feeling afraid about continuing,
Haphazardly.

[Beany Boo]

… a decision I make in the future, requiring nothing from now, about which I can change my mind afterwards anyway…

[oak]

BeanyBoo, here is the highest praise I can give your most recent safety thought:

I took a screenshot, so I can refer to it later. I’ll post if I effect your wise gem this weekend.