YOU ARE NOT ALONE - A companion online community discussion board for The Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast with Paul Gilmartin
Postings on this site are NOT by mental health professionals, rather the opinions & experiences of a community of regular people. If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself or others PLEASE call Suicide Prevention at 1-800-273-8255
One of the lessons that I hated to learn was that what traits irritates us most when we see them in other people, are exactly the traits we ourselves possess. I hate that truth - it stinks.
I've dealt with that too, pretty much all day when I'm at work.
How sad is that? As soon as I find similarities in my personality in others I am completely turned off.
And as far as narcissism goes, most of the time I like a massive narcissistic asshole, and then there are other times when I don't give a shit about myself. On one hand I am a very good mother to my children, and of course they always come first; but then the self-doubt kicks in and I feel selfish for doing something incredibly petty and inconsequential.
It is definitely an interesting dichotomy, where sometimes feeling like shit and doing for others can circle back into making yourself feel selfish and guilty for no real reason. Oh and the Twitter thing, yeah -- that too. I feel like a jerk-off because I want people to like me, and that makes me feel like a complete tool as well. I really don't think that deep down I am a proper "narcissist", but I sure as shit can make myself feel like one for wanting to talk about myself -- even here right now, sharing.
I really don't understand it -- but it suuucks.
Thank goodness I can come here to read and relate to many of you. Thanks for sharing.
Oh man, do I relate. When I go out, everyone is looking at me. When someone laughs, they're laughing at me. Hell, if a classmate says hi to me they're secretly patronising me or trying to make me feel like shit. In fact, everything is all one big elaborate ploy to make me feel like shit. Let's go with that...
This is something I’ve come to realise about myself. My inferiority complex is so powerful it has manifested itself into a pessimistic form of narcissism so overblown it borders on egomania. I can give no better example than last week when, while walking along a main road, I had a panic attack and my dumb mind perceived the cars slowing down as they neared the red lights as them trying to get a better look at the freak show that is myself. As soon as I got home, I realised how ridiculously irrational and just plain idiotic that was, but at that moment I was completely convinced that that was the case.
I'm not sure if this is narcissism, or just Ego, but I notice how often my ego just has to make things about me. For example, I have a friend that lost her child of 17 years of age in an auto accident. It just so happens I had two other friends lose their young children in about the same 4 month period. So, when this third person came along who lost her child, the first thought that came to my mind after a feeling of sorrow for her was "That makes 3 people I know who have lost their children" I had to restrain myself from even writing that in a response to her post about her own child. I think "Shit, look at me, making this about me, when it has nothing to do with me." Maybe that's not the best example, but I find myself doing that all the time. I see other people do it to. OneUpsManShip, right? I understand a certain part of that is normal, and its the way we related to each other. A disturbingly narcissistic person would not even be aware they were doing these things, and go on to say how he is so upset because all his friends are losing their children, while hardly validating the real victims feelings.
Ego really has a way of making itself the center of the Universe. I don't consider it bad or good, but I just try to be aware of it.
Moe, I never would have thought you were a narcissists based on this forum. You seem like a genuinely caring and loving individual. The post in this topic make me think I am a narcissist. But then again, I have read that if you think you might be, and you put effort into learning about it, then the chances are that you are not. Of course, we are have to be a little bit narcissistic to survive. Therefore, a degree of narcissism is a healthy thing. I think to be a narcissist is to be mostly unaware of the deep manifestations it has in your life.
