confessions
Re: confessions
Don't be too hard on yourself fifthsonata, you just need to do it in your own time. When you're ready to reach out you will, hang on in there, big hugs from across the pond, Rosie
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BecomingKind
- Posts: 47
- Joined: March 25th, 2012, 10:48 am
Re: confessions
I think what Paul means is that people should not feel guilty when they are doing their best.
You might just be confused about what it means for you. What do you mean by asking for help, and what would happen if you did?
You might just be confused about what it means for you. What do you mean by asking for help, and what would happen if you did?
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fifthsonata
- Posts: 291
- Joined: April 30th, 2012, 6:45 am
Re: confessions
I guess it's just admitting I need help. I mean normal people don't regularly have weeks where they can't make themselves get out of bed, where doing your laundry feels like running a marathon, or shut everyone out because they're afraid of others realizing how "toxic" they really are. Doing so solidifies there's something wrong and I haven't been able to accept it.
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BecomingKind
- Posts: 47
- Joined: March 25th, 2012, 10:48 am
Re: confessions
You're not toxic. You're just in depressing circumstances.
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in_media_res
- Posts: 77
- Joined: March 23rd, 2012, 12:15 am
Re: confessions
When I hear you speak of being toxic, and a burden to deal with, I'm reminded of a story about a statue of the Buddha. It's a true story, and I think the message and the metaphor work regardless of your own specific spirituality.
As the story is told, in a village in Thailand there was a large clay statue of the Buddha. If the truth was to be told, it was not a particularly attractive statue - being made of clay, it required frequent patching and applications of paint to keep it together. It was loved - to the extent it was loved at all - for its seeming staying power over many hundreds of years.
One day, a monk was dispatched to perform yet another patch job on the crude shell of the statue. This monk was particularly curious as to the inner structure of the statue, and so shone a light into the crack he had been sent to patch.
The light that shone back was lit with a golden hue.
Into another crack went the light, returning the same golden glow.
Within a short time, the monks began to work on dismantling the statue - in the process, revealing a brilliant, beautiful solid gold statue, some 12 feet tall. It's believed the clay and all the patching had been applied long, long ago to hide the statue and protect it from marauding armies. Over time, the community forgot the beauty that was hidden underneath and came to see the outer trappings as the true reflection of the construction of the statue.
And so it is with us.
Over time, in the face of trauma and pain and fear and hurt, we cover our true selves with these layers of protection. We just want to protect ourselves from the danger and the hurt. But over time, we too begin to accept these crude, sometimes ugly, layers as our real selves. But that's not who we - you - really are.
Abandoning the layers, remembering who it is we really are, is difficult. It starts, I think, with an effort to forgive yourself for applying these layers in the first place. They were a protective mechanism, a defense, and - as ugly or ”toxic” or hard to deal with as they might be - they were simply the best that you could do at the time. But they're not you.
Good luck. May you find rest in a peaceful heart.
As the story is told, in a village in Thailand there was a large clay statue of the Buddha. If the truth was to be told, it was not a particularly attractive statue - being made of clay, it required frequent patching and applications of paint to keep it together. It was loved - to the extent it was loved at all - for its seeming staying power over many hundreds of years.
One day, a monk was dispatched to perform yet another patch job on the crude shell of the statue. This monk was particularly curious as to the inner structure of the statue, and so shone a light into the crack he had been sent to patch.
The light that shone back was lit with a golden hue.
Into another crack went the light, returning the same golden glow.
Within a short time, the monks began to work on dismantling the statue - in the process, revealing a brilliant, beautiful solid gold statue, some 12 feet tall. It's believed the clay and all the patching had been applied long, long ago to hide the statue and protect it from marauding armies. Over time, the community forgot the beauty that was hidden underneath and came to see the outer trappings as the true reflection of the construction of the statue.
And so it is with us.
Over time, in the face of trauma and pain and fear and hurt, we cover our true selves with these layers of protection. We just want to protect ourselves from the danger and the hurt. But over time, we too begin to accept these crude, sometimes ugly, layers as our real selves. But that's not who we - you - really are.
Abandoning the layers, remembering who it is we really are, is difficult. It starts, I think, with an effort to forgive yourself for applying these layers in the first place. They were a protective mechanism, a defense, and - as ugly or ”toxic” or hard to deal with as they might be - they were simply the best that you could do at the time. But they're not you.
Good luck. May you find rest in a peaceful heart.
May you find rest in a peaceful heart.
Re: confessions
It is an illness, plain and simple, you need it to be treated like any other. The stigma comes due to the fact you cant see it, but its no less real and no less painful. No one has to know. And I think you'll find just unloading on a doc and therapist who can actually help you to untangle the huge knot in your psyche will be so worth it.. Trust me..
John
BCZF
(mod and shoulder)
John
BCZF
(mod and shoulder)