Mind Body and Trauma

[Mental Fairy]

Absolutely love your input. Much appreciated. I agree with you.
Looks like we moving sooner, it all starts tomorrow.
Matt is back from the farm. Joe was here in a bedroom sleeping when we’re carrying stuff outside to the trailer. We started laughing about something, Joe got up and stormed off. It’s the first time Matt and I laughed so hard in ages before Joe flew off the handle. Was so nice to see him back from the sticks. Yes, we call it sticks! He planted 353 trees today. Whoop!

Onwards and upwards.

Xx

[manuel_moe_g]

Thank the stars my masculinity is not so fragile that I need my wife and daughter to stuff themselves into a tiny box, lest they outshine me

All blessings to you in this new phase of your life, Mental Fairy

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Family

I’m all moved in. It’s absolutely blown me away how freeing it feels. Budgeting everything out and cross fingers the house sells soon. It will be tight but it will be worth it. It took two days to get everything out. I’m absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed with feelings.

Today I timed myself riding to work on the bike. Took me 11min there and 17min back.
Running it will be a different story. I’ve lost so much fitness. I need to claw my way back gently.

For the first time today I woke up and had a cuppa outside and went back to bed again. I never do that. I was so tired I had to go back.

I love next to Te Henui walkway, I have over 23km of trails around me in the bushland. River to cold plunge into. The only negative is I’m on a busy road. That’s ok. It’s perfect no matter what way you look at it.

Last night I attended Yin yoga at the class I used to go to. It’s been 7 months since I last attended. It was difficult to sit in some positions in my own head. I felt so many conflicting emotions.

I’ve picked up my drawing stuff again and doing some drawing and colouring in to get the mind to relax a bit. Next week we move our dental practice so it will be all hands on deck. I’m incredibly tired.

I kept thinking of you all while I was moving. I asked out for support from my dad, I hoped and prayed I had him here. I hope to stay here for 12 months so I can get my shit together and move forward. Feeling ready fragile at times. A fragile freedom.

Mazie is settling in. Took a couple of days to get her out from under the bed. Now she is at my feet snuggling in. Long may this last.

Back soon. Will check in tomorrow

Love to all

[troebia]

From your words I can tell you're much more put together now. Still uphill but you're on track, with less loose ends dangling. Having your own place must feel awesome!

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Lovely

It does, but it comes with a price. But that’s ok. It has to be. The next few weeks we have to move this surgery so I will be doing my best to keep the transition smooth.

My thought patterns are smoother but still go into a zone where I wonder what the heck I’m doing and where the heck I’m going. I don’t like change too much so this has pushed my anxiety and moods all over the show.

How are things with you Troebia? Would love an update? I heard more rain came your way after the floods?

[Mental Fairy]

Hi my people

Grab your popcorn, I have updates.

New home front: settling in. I have a spare room full of stuff I kind of want to chuck in a hole and burn but I won’t. Just clothing to sort and lord knows what else I grabbed in haste leaving the marital home nightmares are made of.

Mazie is settling in now and making herself at home. Very much a nocturnal annoyance when it comes to play time at 3am.
Mattie is also settling in, got a friend around the corner who he goes swimming with in the river that is behind our house. He is doing many jobs to keep the money coming in for himself.

I am not sure if it is because I’ve been to busy or just me pushing away the thoughts, but I don’t have any issue with being two doors down from where I grew up and was abused. It hasn’t really come to my mind until today really when I started writing this.

My commute to work has been along the Te Henui bush trail which leads to the ocean foreshore. On Wednesday night about 8pm I was biking back home through the trail. There coming towards me were two people, one I knew. My ex husband. He was walking hand in hand with his partner who turned out to be someone I knew. I have since learned they were both having affairs. Her husband has left her and obviously I’ve left Joe. He immediately let her hand go as I was biking and stepped back a few paces. I felt like I wanted to vomit. Then I wanted to laugh. Then I wanted to vomit. Then dissociation kicked in. I felt like I was outside of myself looking back at myself. I couldn’t get home fast enough. The fact he was so close to my new home sickened me. I am still unsure how I feel about all this. A lot to process.

Today is my last Friday in our current building. We are packing up the surgery ready to move. Such a big transition all round really. My boss is so supportive and reassuring. I am not liking the amount of changes, anxiety is on a high. I have found myself doing old habits when I’m anxious. Still don’t wish to attend yoga again this weekend. My headspace is rather clogged up with all the shifting stuff for work. I know it’s going to hit me but not sure when or how.

I tried the sketching and got frustrated at my own mistakes and unimaginative brain space.

Cooking has become my ‘go to’ to settle the brain. Been making stuffed pumpkin dishes, stuffed bread loafs. All sorts. Keeps me calm when I create in the kitchen.

Found sleep has been erratic and compromised. I wake and become emotional and try to settle myself by rubbing my feet together for some reason! Nutty ah!

My weight has plummeted from the stress and bowel medication so trying to bulk up with my medicated shakes to add more calories. Everything including my undies need belts!

Going to love you and leave it here as for some reason I am getting emotional again sitting in my office surrounded in boxes. Need to keep it together for one more week.

Thinking of you all.

Gia

[snoringdog]

Hello Gia,

Wow, I didn't make a big-enough batch of popcorn to last thru everything

A few thoughts if I may?

I am not sure ...........but I don’t have any issue with being two doors down from where I grew up and was abused. It hasn’t really come to my mind until today really when I started writing this.

Maybe you've worked thru it somewhat... Some of your past posts on the subject were really hard to get thru. Maybe your revisiting them in writing has defused some of the trauma..

I felt like I wanted to vomit. Then I wanted to laugh. Then I wanted to vomit. Then dissociation kicked in. I felt like I was outside of myself looking back at myself.

That sound entirely reasonable and understandable. It's like someone is writing a tragicomedy for TV, and you're the star this season!
Don't forget to insert the laugh-track when necessary

I couldn’t get home fast enough. The fact he was so close to my new home sickened me. I am still unsure how I feel about all this. A lot to process.

It certainly is. OMG.

anxiety is on a high. I have found myself doing old habits when I’m anxious. Still don’t wish to attend yoga again this weekend.

Anxiety is awful. What have you found that works?
And yoga in groups may feel like too much right now, but at least do water, gentle stretches and breathing in the morning by yourself. Even just 5 minutes.

I tried the sketching and got frustrated at my own mistakes and unimaginative brain space.

Troebia can probably give you some commiseration and encouragement here. We've discussed sketching and art along the way - what do you like to do? Feel free to post anything you like, and we'll critique it

Found sleep has been erratic and compromised. I wake and become emotional and try to settle myself by rubbing my feet together for some reason! Nutty ah!

No. Whatever works.

for some reason I am getting emotional again sitting in my office surrounded in boxes.

You have reason enough and more.

Need to keep it together for one more week.

Your perseverance through everything so far is an inspiration. You can do this.

Here's Sebastian your little lobster friend again
Just put one claw in front of the other, and repeat, repeat.

[troebia]

Gia, I agree with just about everything SD says in his thoughtful post.

[snoringdog]

Had to look it up.... Is Sebastian a crab or a lobster?
There appears to be a debate about it..

Anyway, the song always makes me smile and want to get up and dance around

The Little Mermaid - Under the Sea
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC_mV1IpjWA

[troebia]

The Spanish version is way better IMO!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PmxDgZVenJ8

Not long ago we had a quiz with friends using this song, trying to identify the language of each of the 20 or so versions on Spotify. I was the only one who got the Finnish and it sounds surprisingly good in spite of being such an obtuse language. Btw the German version is horrible