What does the OCD brain look like?

[DallasCowboys3269]

I find it's always important to remember that living with OCD means that there is some type of malfunctioning going on in the brain. This can help you attribute the disorder to simply that, a disorder and can help with recovery. I've found some interesting research on what goes on inside the OCD mind: https://www.scientificamerican.com/...n ... with-ocd1/, https://blog.treatmyocd.com/the-ocd...o ... a4c68b78d1

Hopefully it can help some sufferers out there break out of the daily battle inside their minds. Science often can help in my opinion..

[snoringdog]

Just bumping this up, since I'm starting to think I may have a touch of something like OCD.
(The Sciam link is broken, but searching for "OCD" brings up recent articles.)

So, I have intrusive negative thoughts. Sometimes verbal, sometimes visual, sometimes memories of embarrassing or seemingly shameful incidents, or even just remembering negative things I've read about. And sometimes I have mild physical reactions to these too, like a twinge or a tensing up. And I'll occasionally try to "shake it off", until I realize that I don't want to seem the idiot and I don't want to develop some kind of tic, and so I'll remind myself to just let it pass.

("Obsessive" might be the intrusive-thoughts part, and "Compulsive" might be the physical reactions part? I dunno.)

And I've been waking up in the middle of the night with a sense of dread and anxiety that clears if I get up, even if just for a short while.

So, I wish I could just slow the old brain down a bit. These things get exhausting.

[Mental Fairy]

I hear ya.
So glad you opened up about this. I kind of lean on your advice so much as you spot things I don’t when I type away.

I found my therapist has helped me acknowledge the OCD traits when I first started with him. Coping mechanism for myself is negative thoughts = compulsive cleaning.
Stressed emotional moments = compulsive cleaning.
Feeling loss of control or feeling of rejection = compulsive cleaning!!!!!

Yip I have a rather clean home!

However after therapy and acknowledging this reaction I’ve learnt to talk to myself in a kind way. Sadly now I’m not so much.

Can I ask what you have noticed? When you do get up and move around what thoughts come into your mind?

Are the thoughts from you or someone else in your past that’s left a verbal scaring on your mindset?

Thank you again for opening up

[Beany Boo]

I have experienced similar symptoms SD.

I’ve lately started looking into the role of inflammation in OCD. There’s writing online that links the two.

I’ve personally started experimenting with herbal supplements that reduce inflammation, specifically to act on the symptoms you’re talking about.

The importance of inflammation in the OCD story and the efficacy of supplements to reduce it is not conclusive. I’ve only just started experimenting with over-the-counter (non-prescription) supplements and so far, it is proving optimistic actually. I’ll remain skeptical though at least while I’m still in my own trial stage.

I would also add, supplements and inflammation management do not replace medical advice if you are experiencing clinical OCD. That is what I would seek out the moment I sensed that my symptoms were likely becoming unmanageable.

Also some retail supplements can have an interaction with prescription medication that jeopardizes effectiveness, another reason to get medical advice.

[rivergirl]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this, snoringdog. Do you think the symptoms are increasing, or that you're just noticing them more?

I too share some of the symptoms you mentioned, including intrusive negative visual memories. They usually involve the suffering of an animal companion or a family member. This can also happen with similar scenes or just descriptions from the news and other media.

I wonder if there's something physical you could do similar to "shaking it off" that isn't as obvious to others? I don't know if it would have the same effect but I was thinking something like tensing and then releasing your hands. Just a thought.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am having a lot of success when I hug the part of my personality that brings up the negative thoughts. Previously I would yell at it, then later I tried to reason with it and negotiate with it

[snoringdog]

Hello
So many thoughtful replies, thank you all!

(I got overwhelmed thinking about what to say, so I ran off to carve a pumpkin instead.)

So, one by one

Rivergirl
Do you think the symptoms are increasing, or that you're just noticing them more?

Not really sure. It’s only suggestions of OCD that I’m recognizing- noticeable but more mildly-annoying than really troublesome.
Actually, it seems to have begun when I was in that religious phase I wrote about, from about 18 ~ 24.
(Note - I feel real shame in the fact that I “wasted” so much time in that and didn’t have the “normal” college experience of my peers who went on to university.
(OAK – You have a Master’s degree!! Whereas I do not….)

BTW - Who is that poor woman in the intro who says “I’m ashamed…… Deeply ashamed…..” in that wonderful Aussie accent? I feel bad for her. Shame really hurts. Sometimes it’s worse than some physical pains.)

But I do take some comfort in knowing that the religious impulse has been strong in many others much more intelligent than I. Wasted is in quotes too, since I did learn much about life, the world, and the struggles others have.

About the OCD-like behavior - When I’d have a “sinful” thought or visualization (usually sexual, since that’s what most often focused on in the religious realm), I’d just give my head a slight shake. Sometimes murmer a short prayer or something too.

Later when the shake became somewhat automatic, I’d counter it with a little nod as a counter. Opposites cancel each other, right?

Maggie Rowe’s episode was interesting to me. I can relate to a lot of the thoughts (OCD and otherwise) and the philosophical/theological conundrums she was wrestling with.
Also Keith Miller’s episode about his religiosity and the insights he now has about it.

All I can say is that the world I saw in the 60’s and 70’s was a really ugly place. I was depressed, and stuck, and it seemed like a good idea at the time, and I *did* make friends and have a few cross-country adventures along the way.

I was happy for a few years.

(Also, I know now that there was something in the water, since I wasn’t the only one… not by a long shot. And it *did* save me from the horrors of the Disco period, thank God! )

I wonder if there's something physical you could do similar to "shaking it off" that isn't as obvious to others? I don't know if it would have the same effect but I was thinking something like tensing and then releasing your hands. Just a thought.

I think it’s better if I could just relax a bit and realize that it’s not “me” but just a quirky by-product of this awesome neural network in my head, with all its other wonderful emergent properties....

Mental Fairy
Are the thoughts from you or someone else in your past that’s left a verbal scaring on your mindset?
I’ve always had a negative bias it seems. And I remember when very young being discussed as being “very sensitive” by a school counselor with my mother. Boy I hated that! Macho at six!
Also probably grade-school Catholicism and the later brow-beating all we got in the group as not being good enough – the old saved-by-works trope.

Also, maybe needing to set better mental boundaries.
Suffering happens to, and is felt by, individuals. But from *our* vantage point we can “take in the whole world”, especially in these hyper-connected times and it can be quite overwhelming if you dwell on it for too long. (An insight from C.S Lewis that I try to remember).

Can I ask what you have noticed? When you do get up and move around what thoughts come into your mind?

In the middle of the night when I wake, there’s sometimes a feeling of dread & impending doom, or a fear of death or disaster. But if I get up, it dissipates pretty quickly. Maybe I feel more in control, and just by opening my eyes it brings on a sort of mindfulness and grounding rather than the swirling mental churn.

Beanie
I’ve lately started looking into the role of inflammation in OCD. There’s writing online that links the two.
That is what I would seek out the moment I sensed that my symptoms were likely becoming unmanageable.

Thankfully mine are only mildly annoying, but I can imagine if they were stronger what trouble that would be!
Inflammation is obviously a real physiological thing, but sometimes kind of nebulous too. What does it really mean? How do you know it’s a causative factor of something?
I do have seasonal allergies which are a form of inflammation. I’d be interested if you find something...

Manny
I am having a lot of success when I hug the part of my personality that brings up the negative thoughts. Previously I would yell at it, then later I tried to reason with it and negotiate with it
I should try that, for the self criticism. The other negativity seems to come from outside realities, and I can’t change that much at all. God I hate the way the world is, most times.

Thank you all again

(Sorry for these, but they make me laugh!)

SD

[Beany Boo]

Thanks SD

Will do.

[snoringdog]

Another thing I noticed around the time of the original post that seems OCD related-

A co-worker had left a Youtube video on loop mode that was playing a sequence of Elton John songs a bit loudly, and I happened to be really stressed out that day.

After about 10 minutes, I went over and turned it way down. (It wasn't interfering with him, he'd already gone).

But dammit! One of the songs stuck in my head, in a loop mode off and on for nearly a week!
Really really annoying! And I felt powerless - no way to shut it off...it would return if I wasn't concentrating on something or otherwise actively engaged.

After a few days, I thought to take a dose of Prozac, which seemed to help. Not sure if it was a kind of placebo effect or not, but it worked.

Oliver Sacks wrote a book called Musicophilia where he calls these "earworms".
A couple of links (BBC one has quite a few interesting topics below the one on earworms too)

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20120411-why-do-songs-stick-in-our-heads

https://www.oliversacks.com/earworms-and-ipods/

Cheers,

SD

[Mental Fairy]

Thank you for this SD, it’s been really interesting to learn what you have experienced. Very much relate in many ways.

Do you feel as you age you reflect more and more of previous experiences and how actions of others have effected you?