I look like garbage

[Jitterz]

I can't tell if I'm ugly or just imagining it. Then one of my jerk friends will post a photo from the weekend or something and I look like a fat disgusting short ugly piece of shit. I hate the way I look. I'm too pale, my skin is too shiny, my smile is ugly, I hate how I look in that outfit, wow I'm getting fat, why does so and so look so good in this picture and I look disgusting? Do other people see what I see?
The worst part about it I think is when I see pretty women on TV or in public I instantly hate myself because I don't look like her. I instantly want to become that person and want everything they have like their hair, clothes, makeup, shoes, personality, life, everything. I avoid watching certain movies with gorgeous women and avoid hanging out with my pretty friends as much as possible because those are my triggers.
I spend way too much money on things that I believe I need to be prettier. If I get that top I'll be prettier, if I buy these boots I'll be prettier, if I go tanning and get my nails done everything will be okay and I'll be a better/prettier person and then I'll finally be happy. It's exhausting.
I know this all sounds very shallow and irrational. But I'm trying to understand why I feel this way and why I'm never happy with my appearance..I just don't get it...and people compliment me a lot about my appearance and my boyfriend always tells me I'm beautiful but I can't ever just say thank you and accept these nice compliments because I don't belive they are right and I feel like I don't deserve to accept a compliment because I hate who I am. I want to accept myself but I just can't do it. Help me understand guys...

[HowDidIGetHere]

...I hate who I am. I want to accept myself but I just can't do it. Help me understand guys...

That's it right there in a nutshell. However you may have come to feel that about yourself*, that's the root of your problem and the fertile ground that keeps it alive and well nourished. I imagine you don't have any problem accepting an insult, right? I would expect that if someone were to say something that sounded just like the harsh critic in your head, you would just nod and say "yeah, you're right."

It may be hard to believe, but our brains lie to us all the time. They tell us that harmless things are life-threatening or that really bad decisions are in fact the "right thing to do." Consider also that your eyes are connected directly to your brain and that it's your brain that interprets and assigns meaning to the things you see. From that point of view, there's really no reason to believe that the "you" you see in pictures is any more real and true than the "you" that your boyfriend tells you looks beautiful.

Maybe you can just start asking yourself "what if they're right? What if I really am attractive?" Or more importantly, "what if I'm wrong? What if I'm not as [insert insult] as I think I am?"





*I don't think it's all that important to decipher how you came to feel that way about yourself on a day-to-day basis as much as it is to know how to counteract it. That said, I've gathered that body issues most often come from body-related traumas such as sexual abuse or severe illness. Might be something to look into if you decide to get into therapy.

[Beany Boo]

Jitterz

Good morning

When your boyfriend tells you that you are beautiful take it another step by asking him to list what he finds beautiful about you and see if he refers to your beauty in different aspects of your self; physical, emotional; intellectual; to see what he is drawing on to make his observation. Whatever he says, ask for something in return; to be held for 5 minutes for example. That's to show him that the compliment is for his benefit; to telegraph that he wants closeness; and if so you need more than a compliment for that to happen.

Remember which friends said which compliments; it is important to remember rather than just deflect. The next time you see them have some compliment prepared to give to them; but be ready to see if they react well or badly to your compliment. If they react well you would at least have an insight into how it's done. If they react badly you at least know you're not alone, in squirming.

[Imissmysun]

Jitterz,

I feel your pain - I have sat with those viscious thoughts - and still do - and it is a hard beast to wrangle in -

It takes time and patience with yourself - first understand that your brain is inturpreting visions through your scope of reality - which has been bent by negative thinking - you are no where near as ugly, fat, disgusting, or any other negative thoughts you can throw at yourself as you think -

I have come to find when I look at others even those that are overweight I find qualities that I think are attractive - that I admire - I see the beauty in a smile or the crinkle in their eyes when they are happy -

These are the aspects that make someone whole and real and human - these are what make them beautiful.

Your heart and compassion make you beautiful - I really wish I could see myself as others see me - but I generally avoid mirrors I do not like getting my picture taken - I feel ike I look like well it doesn't matter because those that do not have a negative voice talking their ear off about my appearance think I have attractive qualities -

start writing down one physical aspect that you don't mind about yourself - it could be silly at first - hey the big toe on my right foot is kinda cute - I like that toe - just start getting used to saying nice things about yourself - it takes time and patience but you can start to change the voice in your head - it will start to fade in the background and not be as loud - it will still come up from time to time but you will be able to go - No! Look voice you are a bully you are a tyrrant and I am done listening to you! I am none of those things!

This voice is not your voice it comes from outside voices that told you this - your abusers, maybe your siblings (which can be mean as children), maybe class mates (who can be super cruel throughout chikdhood), this voice is conglomeration of all of them and it does not need to be listened to all the time - its just the loudest one right now - take away its megaphone - take away its power - build a new voice - one that lifts you up - (this is not arrogance - it is confidence building and self-esteem building - that was what I was always afraid of is being seen as ego centric to think positively about myself - but its not) - there is a difference between saying wow I like the way I look today and oh my god I am the most divine creature that ever walked the earth - one is off putting the other is just you being more comfortable with you

Hope this helps

[FrankByMonster]

I can understand you. I have hidradenitis looking like here https://illnessee.com/hidradenitis-groin-pictures/ and I can't feel myself normal. I am freak. I am sick of being sick. People try to stay away from me. I hate myself