Living as a post-abuse victim

[PrancingPanda]

It's been three weeks since I discovered my husband had been sexually molesting our 3 year old. He's now in jail and, while he testified to all the charges and more, the situation seems to be getting out of my hands. At the time I honestly felt no love for him. I had stayed with him for this long because he asked for a second chance and, well, that's were we where. I could tell he had issues and while he did initially go to therapy and counseling he didn't do so for long. Now that he's in jail and regrets everything he did, I still don't hate him. I know he needs help; therapy, permanently if possible. However most people that know my approach to the situation talk to me like I'm crazy for not being angry, for not flipping out, or for not wanting his head on a plate.

Don't get me wrong, I know he needs to serve a good amount of time in jail, and I do not want to lift the restraining order, ever, but is it so wrong to be rational?

I just got out of a meeting with the detective who took the case and he practically looked at me like I was mad when I mentioned that I was hoping he serves the least amount of time possible, and is court mandated to receive psychological help, he told me he could try to get custody anyways, and that if i mentioned that in court he'd be out in 5 years (no the 25 i thought where the minimum). He said his lawyer would try anything to clear his name and my inlaws would turn around and back-stab me if i gave them leeway (which honestly couldn't be further from their personalities, his mom told me to call the cops on him!).

All of this is putting my paranoia, anxiety, and panic attacks on steroids. I can't sleep, eat, be alone for too long. These thoughts go rampant on my brain. I am supposed to have a state appointed therapist soon but I don't know how long I can go on without breaking down again. The stress of all of this is so ridiculous.

I can't help but ask "What is wrong with me?", like others have before me. Now I don't mean "in the past" I mean, right in front of me. WHY am I not flipping out? Am I so used to being manic depressed on past traumas that being normal and rational seem scary?

My depression has started to creep in on completely different terms this time. I wake up and tale about an hour and a half to feel motivated enough to get me and my daughter ready for the day ahead. As it is, I'm supposed to be cleaning and getting ready to move in two weeks time but... I don't know why I am not. I guess I have to unload.

sorry for rambling...

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello PrancingPanda. All the best wishes to you and your daughter. I will fervently hope you both get the peace that you both deserve. Please take care.

[Herself]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe you just need a little time before things sink in?

[PrancingPanda]

Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe you just need a little time before things sink in?

I think they have so far. The stress I feel is mostly related to future endeavors than with the actual event. It's also because my calm and thoughtful approach doesn't seem to resonate with most people. The general response I get is "I hope he's in there for life", I even had a person ask if he could get the death penalty. Now, being an atheist, I tend to have a different moral code than most people I meet but I certainly wouldn't wish death upon anyone, not even a murderer. I don't see why it seems like such an impossibility for rehabilitation to be an option. The basis of the issue lies in the misunderstanding of mental illness, and I firmly believe that the best possible outcome would be for him to be treated medically and possibly take part in any ongoing studies on treatment for people with maladjusted sexual deviancy.

Hello PrancingPanda. All the best wishes to you and your daughter. I will fervently hope you both get the peace that you both deserve. Please take care.

Thank you so much manuel_moe_g, I hope so as well.

[Cheldoll]

It breaks my heart to hear how much crap people are giving you when you've done nothing wrong. I must admit that I am surprised that you are not angry (I suspect this is related to a variety of factors like how you discovered the molestation, your relationship with him before this, etc) but I understand how you feel and am really impressed by your maturity and compassion. Too many people lack those traits and can't comprehend not having a volatile reaction to something as traumatizing. Even fewer people understand how mental illness works.

Is it possible to see a therapist more often? I imagine support group/group therapy seems like a horrible idea considering how people react to your story but I wouldn't completely rule out those options for later on.