Shame: no gf in nine years.

[SallieMaesBitch]

Dear Dragonfly,
I too come from a small town and though I'm a traveler, I seem to end up in small towns where it's hard to connect with people. Dating feels like a battlefront, and often I just feel too tired to even fight it. It's nice to speak to people that can understand. You're right about the importance of confidence. Sadly, that's the one thing that's hard to have when you're unsuccessful on the dating front. Ah, the catch-22 of mental illness, they always take away what you need to get better. But I thank you for your kind words, as they definitely have reminded me that I shouldn't give up. It looks like our mutual friend Oak has also been similarly inspired, so I thank you again on his behalf.

Dear Oak,
I am so happy to hear about your newfound confidence! Please let me know how things go! Though I have trouble exercising it in real life, I agree with Dragonfly that confidence is what it takes. There are a lot of women out there who are settling for relationships they don't really want, or are also having trouble connecting with the right people. I don't know about you, but I know this time has given me a lot of negative baggage, but yet there may be some positive: I firmly believe that our challenges in finding the right person are going to make us more compassionate and more dedicated than the average guy since we know the value of love. Hopefully we can find ways of expressing it so that we can connect with similarly-minded people as the lovely Dragonfly.

[oak]

SMB, thanks so much for your post. I was just going to sit down to update this thread, when I was so pleased to see your kind words.

Hope > Experience

Hope triumphed over experience and last night I went out to chat up women I might be interested in, or at least to talk to them and brighten up their day.

The icebreaker I came up with was "looking for tie for upcoming trip to the art museum".

The first person I tried chatting up was polite but not super interested. Fortunately I had a nice chat with her friend, and I gave her career advice. Not sexy talk, but at least I wasn't in my head. While she didn't give me any signals of interest (touching her hair, looking through her eyelashes), it was nice to meet her. The conversation naturally went from tie to art museum to her interests to her career to my advice. She had that dishwater blond hair which is my weakness.

I also bumped into a lovely brunette woman I know. She was pleased to see me and I chatted up her and her lovely friend. They stated that they enjoyed seeing me.

Final results:

Zero flirts Zero numbers Zero dates

But I stopped thinking and started acting, at least for a little while. Hopefully each of their days was a little better after talking with me. Maybe I'll ask someone out next time.

More bad news

After promising several times to hang out with me "sometime", I invited out that lovely single mom to Cirque Du Soliel and she politely declined due to "being busy".

Cheesiness Alert!

I don't have much to smile about, being lonely.

I did buy new shoes and really high quality socks. I feel so cheesy saying that, but sometimes taking care of myself in little, tiny ways (good shoes, going to the dentist) is the only way I can demonstrate love for myself day to day.

I also ate strawberries this afternoon instead of potato chips. A tiny victory for today. Tomorrow, we'll see.

Thanks for listening! I hope to have a happier report soon.

[SallieMaesBitch]

Perhaps rather than trying to chat up people, you put yourself in a situation where you're meeting a lot more people and then there might be less pressure. Meetup has a lot of really fun events, and depending on where you live, you can attend events organized around a variety of subjects. That way everyone you meet at that event will definitely share something in common and be interested in meeting new people, so that takes care of the icebreaker for you. That said, I have had zero luck romantically through Meetup, but I have met some incredibly interesting people and had a great time on almost every event I went on. I'm in my mid thirties and it seems nearly everyone I meet is married or dating someone seriously now.

[oak]

Done!

Per your kind advice, SMB, I have RSVP'd at two meetups next week. I'll report back on how they go.

Thanks for the suggestion and encouragement!

[oak]

@SallieMae: I've been to at least four meetups, thanks to your suggestion. One was perfectly fine, another really sucked, and the other two were amazing. there are some really wonderful people out there, so caring.

In fact, I am starting my own meetup. 13 people have joined.

I would not have done it without your encouragement.

[rivergirl]

Good for you, Oak!

[SallieMaesBitch]

Way to take the bull by the horns, well done! You're an inspiration my friend!

[oak]

Thanks SMB! Your encouragement means alot. You're a great person.

I had my first meetup (tech related), and it went well. I was able to help the attendees.

Also (and you can't see it, but I am fanning myself), when I reserved the room for the next meetup the gorgeous gorgeous fine fine fine administrative person gave me flirty signals. Glasses, dishwater blond hair, smiles: all my psychological buttons. Goodness. (shivers [the good kind]).

I've been going through alot this year, and her kindness and flirtiness gave me hope. Maybe this little tiny seed of hope can grow into a meaningful relationship with someone someday soon. Maybe even a summer romance, if I can be permitted to dream for a moment.

I have hope. Just a tiny tiny little wee baby mini fraction bit, but it is real hope.

[SallieMaesBitch]

Nice! I'm rooting for you!

[Beany Boo]

Oak, thank you for sharing this. I am in a similar place.