Comes in waves, like nausea...

[Delilah]

Since weaning myself off of a 20 year dependency on antidepressants, I still go through episodes of depression, but they are fewer and shorter. It's been nine months since I stopped fully taking meds (for various reasons) and getting to know myself again has been difficult. It's been like an arranged marriage. I had a good idea who I was, but getting to know the 24/7 me has not glamorous.
I have been having an episode for the last 24 hours made up of small waves of self loathing, but with experience, I know I just need to wait it out and try to keep distracted.
When things were worse early on, I used my innate ability to help others, by helping my future self. You see, although I hate myself today, future me needs my help, so I have to accomplish something for her today. This way I do get something done, which helps present me,and future me is always grateful and amazed how past me could muster up the strength.
I may not be worth a pinch of shit, but future me is, so I help her out.