I just can't today...

[Elai-waitforit]

I've said this about 90% of the days for the past 3 months. It's back. My depression is back after 4 years.

My depression has manifested so differently this time but the feelings are the same. My heart feels like it's screaming and my mind feels numb. I lay in bed days at a time with dirty hair and disposable plates on my bed from my binges.

The only thing that gets me out of bed is a craving for gummy worms or quesadillas which requires me to drive to the grocery store.

I want to go outside but I don't.
I want to take a shower but I don't.
I want to eat some vegetables but I don't.
I want to do homework but I don't.
I want to go to the beach but I don't.

So I sleep for 12 hours surrounded by my mess and watch Netflix the time I wan awake.

[oak]

How's it going today? Are things any better?

[Beany Boo]

Thank you for sharing this. I can easily relate.

[Imissmysun]

I have been in that rut forever and then one day i just did. I am just trying to do. I just got up and tried to do things i like for me. It didnt feel as happy as it used to but it felt like something

I am still trying to remind myself to do the somethings and its hard because it requires thought of self with thought of need and that is not my forte.

You are not lazy. You are a little lost. We all are. You will be found again. Just writing here proves that.

[Elai-waitforit]

@oak A little better thank you for asking. I reached out to my boyfriend for help and he was so understanding and helpful. It's nice knowing people get it. My room is still a mess but I have showered every day for the past week!

@Beany Boo The struggle is real, right? haha

@Imissmysun That last line made me tear up. That is awesome that you are trying and doing

[Imissmysun]

I am so glad you came back and you read the thoughts that are here for you -

I am so glad that you have a physical person to talk to as well-

That means that you can get out of your head -

I do get that when the depression hits talking is the absolute last thing you want to do - even the thought of moving your mouth is agonizing -

I am personally having a rough day and i have hung all my stuff out over the various threads so you can check out my dirty laundry -

I just hope you keep trying for you and depression is kind or a circular back and forth good days bad days kind of a struggle -

and Oak the awesome protector tree is just a great support person -